Heart of God

This fall, I challenged myself to take on a 28 day personal retreat through the book Heart of God published by Lifeteen.

I've never done anything like this before, and to be completely honest, I had no idea what to expect.  In the end, this personal retreat has encouraged me to live a more Christ-like life...by reminding me to share His love and mercy in all that I do...and to "be the heart of God."

I want to share about my biggest take away from each day of the journey.

1) The key is prayer. We must communicate through prayer with the Father. Without this communication, we show no desire to be wrapped in His arms.

2) God doesn't pursue unimportant things; therefore, you are important.

3) Each of us has the freedom to either pursue God or reject God.  The choice is up to us.

4) We must not be quick to end our love.  We must push through, just as God does with us each and every day.

5) The Heavenly Father is the only one who can love us unconditionally through all of our faults.  We must continually seek His love in order to be forgiven.

6) Why do we doubt Him when we know He is leading the way?

7) God provides for us even in the darkest of times.  Those dark times are when we must place even more trust in Him than before.

8) Stop asking God for things that you don't need.  Instead, praise Him for what He has given you.

9) Just like God's heart freely gives, we must freely give our life to Him. We must follow the call that He has for us.

10) Jesus died on the cross so that we would be free to receive God's love and mercy.

11) Know that God's love will always be free to you.  His love is not bound to anyone or anything.

12) God is waiting to love you and show you mercy.

13) Don't look at yourself through your eyes.  Rather, look at yourself through God's eyes.

14) Always keep in mid if you are serving God in everything that you do.

15) God's heart becomes jealous of us when we cast our focus on things other than Him.  His jealousy never turns into envy, though.

16) God doesn't just want to be the missing piece in the puzzle.  He wants to be the whole puzzle.

17) God knows when you need a heart transplant.  That's when He sends in the Holy Spirit to the operating room.

18) Every day, God gives us the ability to love others as He loves us.

19) We are not on the same level as God.  This is why we implore Him: to show Him our desire to be as close to Him as possible.

20) We sinned, and He didn't; yet, because of His great mercy, He accepts those sins and forgives us.

21) The mystery of God is meant to push each one of us to see who we are in Him.

22) Our prayer to understand His great mystery must become an active exercise that shows full confidence in Him.

23) God holds us, reveals Himself to us, and loves us for all that we are and all that we can (and will) become.

24) We must embrace the mystery, trust in His mysterious providence, comet to understand that He is far beyond any person/thing we could imagine, and then shout this for all to hear.

25) Don't mistake silence for absence.  Messages aren't always conveyed by words.

26) Courage is staying rooted to Him and trusting in Him to provide for all of your needs.

27) Through sin, He is beckoning you to Him.  He is calling you to sainthood.

28) God's heart beats with everlasting love. His love pours freely from His unyielding heart, constantly in a pursuit to fill our mortal bodies with everlasting life.

Why I Veil

Growing up, I didn’t know anyone who veiled, nor did I really ever see anyone wearing one. Because of this, I was never that curious about it or knew much about it.

Fast forward to my college years. As I started to grow and become more active in my faith, I also started to follow more Catholics on social media. The world of social media can be viewed as a very negative thing, but it can also be used as a beacon of light, although many people forget about this. And a beacon of light is most definitely what it has been for me. 

Through social media, I grew to have a curiosity and yearning for a deeper understanding about many things in my faith, especially veiling. As I became curious, I did my research.  Through this curiosity and research, I discovered that my heart was longing for a deeper connection in my faith life, and that veiling might be a step along that journey.

The idea of veiling just kept running through my head, and I couldn't stop looking at veils online...so, I finally gave in and bought a veil. My excitement grew as I waited for it to arrive in the mail. Then the day finally came, and my veil arrived in my mailbox.

Now to take the next steps: getting the veil blessed and actually wearing it.  This was going to be the true test. Would I follow through?

After getting it blessed, it was now time to actually wear the veil. I trusted in Him and wore it to Eucharistic Adoration for the first time...and what an amazing experience it was! 

I was nervous and very self-conscious.  A part of me didn't care what others would think, and a part of me couldn't stop wondering what people would think. Would I attract attention to myself? Would people be judging me? Will people think that I believe I am holier than them? 

But after the experience that I had wearing my veil for the first time, I knew that this was a part of His plan for me.  Each time I wear my veil, I begin to discover more about my faith and grow deeper in my relationship with Him.

The biggest take away from wearing my veil is the fact that it helps me to stay focused, especially when I am leading music.  Whether I'm at Adoration or at mass, wearing my veil helps me to stay connected to the reason that I am there: to spend time with Christ.

We live in a world of modern technology, social media, and thousands of distractions.  As a college student, it is extremely hard to block out distractions...but wearing my veil helps me to do just that: eliminate distractions.

I have now come to the point where I don't care what others think.  The fear of judgement doesn't really bother me...The only thing that matters is that I know why I am veiling: to be as close to God as possible; to live a life that shows Him my constant desire to be as Christ-like as possible.

Lord, I Lift Your Name On High

This weekend, I attended the Fall Retreat sponsored by the Newman Center.  It was full of laughs, smiles, #JesusJamz, prayer, reflection, and fellowship.

Since high school, Adoration has become very special to me.  It's a place where you are face-to-face with Jesus, which is truly magical...I've had a lot on my heart lately in regards to what God is calling me to do with my life.  I'm at a point where I love what I'm studying, and I'm content with that..but as I was reminded this weekend: we have to ask and pray about the next step that God wants us to take in order to grow even deeper in our relationship with Him.  With that, Adoration is a time when I can share every single thing that is on my heart with God...and that's when I experience those magical moments that stay in my mind forever. Experiencing Adoration during Newman Retreat was truly amazing, and it is an experience that I will never forget.

During the retreat, I was also reminded several times of my Catholic upbringing, especially in regards to how my Catholic education has impacted my faith life, both positively and negatively.  One of the things that I always think about when reflecting on my Catholic education is the fact that I attended mass every week with my peers.  Yes, as a grade school student, I absolutely disliked that I went to mass twice a week at school plus on the weekend with my mom...but now that I'm older, I realize how much I learned from going to mass so much as a young child.

On Saturday night, as Mara and I were picking music for mass the next morning, I was reminded of those special times at school masses. Mara suggested Lord, I Lift Your Name On High.  I immediately said yes, of course, because I LOVE this song...it's one of the first things that comes into my mind when I think about school masses.  (Yes, I know it just repeats at nauseam...but I don't really care!)  (Side-note: whenever I think of this, I of course have to do the actions that go along with it...because did you really live that Catholic school life if you didn't have actions to most of the songs?!)

The next morning, Mara and I led the music for mass.  When we got to the closing song, it was the only song the two of us had never done together, yet it was as if we had spent time practicing.  It was beautiful, and it was a reminder for me of the days I spent at mass with my peers.

As we prepared for mass at Newman later that night, we changed the closing song to, you guessed it, Lord, I Lift Your Name on High...and once again, I felt God take away all of my worries. It was such a glorious ending..because there is nothing like a room full of people singing the refrain to that song a-capella...it gave me goosebumps.

Tonight I am thankful for my Newman Family, Fr. Stimpson, Fr. Hepner, and my Catholic upbringing.  I am also thankful for the gift of music, and the fact that God is using music ministry to help me grow closer to Him.  I never guessed that I would be where I am today, especially in terms of my faith journey, but I wouldn't change any of it.  Thank you to all who have helped me develop this amazing relationship with Our Father!

Love and hugs to all! May God bless you and keep you safe!

God, could you please stop?

Do you ever feel pushed or pulled in so many ways that you just want it to stop?

For me, that is kind of how I have felt this semester.  I want to spend time practicing trumpet, but I also need to spend time on everything related to music therapy. Along with that, I've also been challenged with wanting to spend more time with God and being involved at the Newman Center.  It's definitely not easy to balance all of these things that are important to me, and some days truly are a big struggles to balance.

The battle to find a somewhat steady balance is never ending, and truthfully, I am thankful for that...because my life would be more boring if there was a complete balance...

A few weeks ago, I wrote my first original Christian composition and "performed" it at Wednesday Worship at Newman.  Fast forward to a few Sunday' later: Father finally checked his Instagram and saw the video I had put up about my song...he then proceeded to publicly announce during the announcements at Sunday mass that I was "debuting" a new song this week at Adoration! Well...I wasn't planning to attend Wednesday Worship, as I was going to attend a faculty performance that night..but obviously God had other plans for me. He knew what was to come over the next few days, and He knew that I would need to be reminded of His love for me.

Monday and Tuesday were horrible.  I found myself in tears in the practice room out of frustration.  I was constantly stressed and worried about assignments.  Then came Wednesday: my longest and busiest day of the week.  I was nervous for both my lesson and my music therapy session, but I just kept reminding myself that everything would be okay, and that I would be able to spend time with Him at the end of the day.

But you know what?! My lesson went really well, and I left feeling more optimistic about my recital pieces.  My session went better overall than I thought it would.  And when you combine those two  things: it makes for one happy camper!  I sat through my five hours of rehearsal, and then I was finally able to head to Newman for Adoration.

When I arrived, I calmed my nerves and thanked God for the success that I had experienced through my trials of frustration.  As I began to play my song, I felt God's love fill my heart, and His presence bring a calmness through my body.  How amazing it is to have the opportunity to look at Jesus face-to-face every single week during Adoration.  His love, grace, and beauty are fully present during this time, and it is a reminder of just how marvelous He is!

Through this experience,  I found the answer to my question: NO, God will not stop pushing you.  He will not stop loving you.  He will not stop forgiving you.  He will not stop caring for and protecting you.  He will not stop, because He is our Father, and we are His children.

I am truly blessed for the amazing growth that I've had this semester in my faith life and in relation to music therapy.  And while I often feel pushed and pulled in many directions, I am reminded that this is all just a part of God's plan for me...and that He won't stop! (Which I am learning to be more thankful for and more accepting of.)

I know this post isn't the most organized, but I have been trying to write a post for several weeks now to express my many thoughts and emotions, and this is the best I could come up with...because sometimes it is so hard to put everything into words for others to understand...and maybe everything doesn't need to be put into words for others to understand.

Love and hugs to all of my readers! Know that God loves you and cares about you!

#noexcuses and #discoveringHisplan

Last year, I began a journey of creating a motto or "hashtag" for each semester.  The fall was #buildingconfidence and the spring was #demandexcellence.  As I begin the fall semester of my senior year, I have already figured out my new motto for the semester: #noexcuses

I chose this motto because it is something that one of my professors has always said to me.  Last spring, I had a very rough semester...and at one point she pulled me aside and reminded me that there was no more time for excuses: the time was now.  And as WIU President Jack Thomas once said in a commencement address: "Now is the time, and the time is now."

SO, as I began to reflect on my goals for the semester, it finally it home that there really is no time for excuses. If I want my dream internship, then I have to work for it.  I have to improve my skills that are lacking and continue to master the skills I have already acquired.  This journey won't be easy, but I wouldn't be here without the support of my friends and family.

This semester will be full of concerts, internship applications, working at my voice/guitar skills, preparing for a combined recital, and hard classes.

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As I reflect on my goals for this semester, I am reminded of how far I have come since my start. However, as many of you know, this journey has had its ups and downs. Last year, as I was #buildingconfidence, I started to surround myself with more people who had a positive outlook on life and who had the same views/ideals as I have.  Through this, I became more active at my church and my faith journey advanced.

I am excited to be even more active at the Newman Center this year.  Just in my first week back, I have already experienced a change in my attitude by being more proactive in my faith.  The opportunities I have to be more active at Newman are not only challenging my faith, but also challenging me to be the best version of myself.

Tonight, after a day full of classes, a rehearsal, and lots of email exchanges, I took some time to be with Jesus during Wednesday Night Adoration/Worship.  There was a part of me that wanted to go, and a part of me that just wanted to sit at home and watch Netflix...but all day there was this little voice in my head telling me to go to Adoration....so I did...and it was THE BEST choice I made today. Not only did I get to spend an hour with Jesus, but I had an hour without any distractions from other people, social media, or texts/phone calls.  Being able to spend that entire hour with Jesus truly made my heart full.  During this time, I was reminded of His endless and never failing love for me, the need to want, know, and love Him in order to live, and how thankful I am to have been brought up in a loving and safe environment by people of faith.

When we are truly living a life devoted to God's plan for us, it is so much easier to have a more joyful spirit and a more positive outlook on life. So while I have already accepted to follow God's plan for me, one of my faith goals for the semester is to constantly be living out and discovering His plan for me, which is where you get #discoveringHisplan

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As these two parts of my life combine, it is allowing me to have new ways to overcome my fears and reinforce the mottos I have chosen.  And as I work at #discoveringHisplan, I am given the opportunity to work on my music skills and overcome some of my fears. 

To end, I just want to say that I am looking forward to a very exciting semester and final year at WIU.  I know the weeks and months ahead will be full of joys, sorrows, trials, tribulations, triumphs, and other exciting things.  It will be a journey that is scary, but yet so amazing at the same time. 

Love, hugs, and prayers to all! 

Cross Country

The wet dew on the grass seeping through your shoes.  The sounds of birds chirping as they wake.   The sun peeking through the clouds as you walk the course with your teammates.  The brisk morning air hitting your face during those first few seconds of the warm-up.

It's a sport that some make fun of..some even say it's not a "real" sport.  But to those of us who know the greatness of being on a cross country team, it is the only sport.

Summer workouts are nasty, hot, and sweaty. You start your day with a run, before you go home and crash from exhaustion. As the school year approaches, the workouts slowly intensify.  Then comes the first week of official practices: a long run in the morning and core in the evening. And before you know it, the first race has arrived.

As the season moves forward, the bond of the team grows.  The love and passion for the sport blossoms in the first timers.  Everyone truly becomes a family. And as this bond grows, everyone works harder to accomplish their goals.  Each runner works to beat their personal bests and to do their part to help the team place.

And as the growth of the team comes, so do the cool fall mornings.  It's those cool fall mornings that all former cross country runners associate with the sport. The memories that come with the feel of the wet grass seeping through your shoes are some of the best.  The gentle breeze hitting your bear legs will forever give you the chills. The memories of the oh, so wonderful snacks and treats that the parents brought to every race make you want a fruity pebbles rice crispy treat.

Whether you were the number one runner or the last runner to cross the finish line, it didn't matter. What mattered most was that each person was working hard to be the best runner possible. Teammates cheered for and encouraged each member of the team to push forward and put up a fight as the final stretch to the finish line came into sight. The feeling of accomplishment sets in as you cross the finish line and find out that you just set a new personal record.

This sport forever holds a special place in my heart. Love and hugs to my QND XC family.

The Top 10 Reasons to Attend IC Convention

I am fortunate in the fact that I have grown up in ESA..so much so that I have attended IC Convention every single summer. That's right-this year is my 22nd ESA IC Convention.

So as we prepare to head to St. Louis and be surrounded by our ESA Family, I thought I would share my family's "Top 10 Reasons to Attend Convention."

Reason 10: Food Adventures.

This one is special to my family and my close ESA Family, because we somehow always end up on wild food adventures.  From venturing to a pizza place in Minnesota where you end up eating big balls of sausage on your pizza that you scoop up with a foam to-go container macgyvered with a pocket knife, to hunting for good German restaurants so you can have pretzel's with cheese and schnitzel, my family has some of the best food adventures.  And I think it's safe to say that most people at Convention aren't afraid to hunt for the good food.

Reason 9: It's Family-Friendly!

Are you confused as to how I've attended IC Convention every year? Well, if you couldn't figure it out by my stories under food adventures, IC Convention is truly a family-friendly affair. There are things for ESA Members of all ages to do! My family knows that when we head to Convention, the golf clubs will be packed, as my dad goes with the golf group nearly every day that we are gone.  When we were younger, my sister and I had a babysitter that tagged along-whether it was a family friend or the daughter of my mom's fellow chapter member...and then for a while, my grandma tagged along to hang out with us! Once we were old enough, we gradually started attending meetings more and more each year. If you bring your family along, my sister and I promise that we will show your kids the ropes and introduce them to the best grandmas, moms, and aunts that are out there!

Reason 8: Flag Ceremony/Hope for Heroes Workshop

Some years, there are tears running down my face during the flag ceremony.  ESA is often fortunate to have had those who have served or are currently serving our country do the honor of bringing in the American flag.  And that is truly inspirational.  During the flag ceremony, we bring in the flags of each state represented in ESA.  We carry in the flags of the three country's where ESA is present: The United States of America, Canada, and Australia. We bring in the flags of St. Jude's Hospital and Easter Seals.  We bring in the All Faith Flag, representing that ESA welcomes people of all faiths. We bring in the flag of the ESA Foundation and ESA International. Each year during the Hope for Heroes Workshop, we are reminded of the countless efforts of the men and women who protect our country.  We are reminded of the many ways that we can continue to support and provide for those men and women, along with their families.

Reason 7: Easter Seals Workshop

In this workshop, we smile, because we are reminded of how our efforts of supporting Easter Seals go to use..we are reminded of the AMAZING services that Easter Seals is able to provide because of the support from ESA.  We hear stories of the individuals who benefit from the services provided by Easter Seals.  We share about new ways to volunteer with our local Easter Seals branch.

Reason 6: Opening/Closing Rituals

It's one thing to say the opening/closing rituals at a chapter meeting or local state convention..but it's a whole different thing to say them in a room full of hundreds of your ESA Sisters and Brothers.  Every year, I leave the closing ritual with goosebumps.  It's so moving to know that every person in that room have the same goals in mind-always working to "be the change" and "meet the needs of the ever changing world."

Reason 5: St. Jude Meet the Patient Workshop

There's a phrase that my sister, mom, and I say every year: don't wear make up on Friday. Just don't..unless it's waterproof mascara.  I'm pretty confident when I say that there is a 95% chance that you will cry during the St. Jude Workshop.  I mean, hearing the stories of patients and survivors from St. Jude is nothing short of inspirational.  These young children go through more than some of us will ever go through.  They fight the odds and attempt to beat childhood cancer, and we are just a small part of their story by donating items and raising money.

Reason 4: The friendships you make will last a lifetime.

You may think that you've made some incredible friendships throughout your life.  But let me tell you, until you go to IC Convention and meet some of the PICPA's, you have't made some of your most important friendships.  None of the ESA Members at Convention are your "average" member.  In some way, shape, or form, each member attending Convention does something that makes them stand out in a good way.  Whether you become friends with one of the inspiring Past President's, become friends with a fellow "first time attendee," or become friends with a member you meet in the coffee line, I can guarantee that you will meet some of your closest and most inspirational friends during your time at IC Convention.

Reason 3: Traveling to new places-but never alone!

Remember how "Reason 4" was about friendships? Well...even during your first Convention, I guarantee that if you want to explore a part of the city where we are at, at least one person at convention will want to go with you.  And every time you come back after the first, you will have so many new friends that will be willing to travel and explore new places with you.  I mean, the first year that I met my lovely Idaho moms, I went to the bone museum with them..so never be afraid to ask someone to do something with you..because if they don't want to go, I bet they will know someone who would want to go. You will never travel alone again!

Reason 2: Your life will be forever changed for the better.

If you haven't figured it out by now, all of these reasons add up to having one of the best experiences of your life.  Attending Convention and going to different meetings and workshops will forever change your life.  You'll never be the same, because your new friends will continue to mold you, push you, and encourage you for years to come.

Reason 1: Your overall love for ESA will grow more than you ever imagined possible.

I mean, if reading all of these reasons hasn't gotten you excited about ESA..then you are just going to have to come and experience Convention for yourself! I promise you won't regret it.  Your love for this amazing organization will grow from the moment you arrive and continue to grow once you leave.  Your idea wheel will be constantly spinning.  You will leave wanting to impact your community even more than your chapter already has-and I guarantee it will be epic.

Peace, love, and hugs to all of my ESA Family! I can't wait to see you all in St. Louis next week!

**I have a challenge for all of you attending Convention: let's see how many people I can get selfies with! Whether I've known you for my entire life or you have no clue who I am but just read my blog-find me and let's take a picture together!!

You can't tackle your faith by yourself.

Growing up, there's usually an adult figure in your life who encourages you and pushes you along your faith journey.  And as we get older and become more independent young people, we tend to drift away from those people, and perhaps even drift away from our faith.

Luckily for me, I was able to attend a private high school where we were encouraged to live out faithful lives.  A school where each week I had the opportunity to worship and share about my faith at HAFOC if I chose to. A place where I developed some new friendships and old friendships grew stronger.  A school where we started and ended our day in prayer.  A place where I was able to come to know Jesus in a big and bolder way.  A place where I was able to accept God's plan for me.

And most importantly, it was a place where I was able to witness the beautiful work that happens in the presence of the Eucharist.  It was through the support and love of my friends that during adoration  I was able to accept God's amazing plan for me, during a time when I was at my lowest.

As I went to college, my faith was pretty strong.  But I didn't have my close friends by my side encouraging me to go to mass each week or pushing me to be the most holy person I could be.  And throughout my freshman year, my faith was stagnant.  I didn't move forward...and if anything, it went a little backwards.

But as I prepared for my sophomore year, I made a promise to be more active in my faith and to live out His plan for me.  God knew I couldn't face this journey alone, so He provided me with a friend.-Lisa  A friend that I met on the elevator.  A young woman who was headed to Newman and was a music major who had transferred in.  And for almost two full years now, this friend has pushed me and encouraged me along my faith journey.  And because one friend pushed me, I have made even more friends who are on the same quest to live out God's unique plan for each of us. I have found a home at the WIU Newman Center where I am surrounded by people who know and love Him.  A place where I now sing in the choir every week.  A judgmental free place where I am surrounded by people who won't judge me if I break out into Christian music.

This idea of not being able to tackle your faith by yourself came to me this morning at mass as I sat with Lisa.  Sitting at 8am mass on a Sunday morning with Lisa before the second week of working #WIUSMI was a reminder that God placed us in each other's lives for a reason.  Because if I'm honest , I probably wouldn't have made it to church this morning if it weren't for the fact that I had already told Lisa I was going to be there. This is why we have friends who share in our faith..because they push us to grow in our faith, even when we don't realize it.

While you are out there searching for friends to share your faith journey with, make sure to get someone like my friend Lisa. Because today after mass, we went our separate ways.  But in the end, we both went and got iced coffee without knowing.  Find a friend that sends you a text reminder about not eating meat on Friday's during Lent.  Find a friend that sends you snapchat reminders about Bible Study.  Find a friend that sends you links to Christian videos and songs. Find a friend who texts you to make sure you are okay because you weren't at Mass at Newman.

So to those who have a strong faith or to those who are struggling with faith, find a friend or two and cling to them.  Cling to Jesus.  With friends by your side, you can continue to grow and discover God's plan for you.  I promise that you won't regret it.

Music Therapy > Music Education

It's pretty crazy to think that I am entering my senior year of college.  Pretty soon I will be applying for internships, and before you know it, I will be taking my board certification exam.

Growing up, I almost always wanted to be a teacher.  And as I fell in love with music, I decided that I would become a music teacher.  But once I heard about music therapy, I was hooked!

Even though I fell in love with music therapy, I have faced many hardships throughout my three years of college to make my dreams come true.  I've been faced with tough times when I question whether or not I am supposed to become a music therapist, which often brings up the question of "Should I be a music teacher instead?"

Often times, I have had several people (often role models in my life who are music educators) suggest that I would make a great music teacher or band director.  And again, this challenges me to think about whether I should be a music therapist or music educator.

Each time I am faced with this challenge, God reminds me of his plan, and the fact that I am right where I need to be, studying to become a music therapist.

While I am forever indebted to my music teachers and band directors, there is a part of me that could never do that full time.  I have taught trumpet lessons before, and it was a great experience that helped me grow as a player. But when I reflect on teaching lessons, I couldn't imagine myself doing that full-time. We need music educators in our world, and I love my friends who are music educators or future music educators...but I know that right now, that's not what God has in-store for me.

The thing with music therapy is that there are so many opportunities within the field.  You can work with one population, or you can work with multiple.  But no matter how many populations you work with, there are endless possibilities of goal areas and new experiences/interventions designed for each individual client or group.  And that's what makes it so exciting! That's what keeps you coming back for more.

I want to help others accomplish tasks through music, instead of teaching music.  Music therapy allows you to help so many individuals overcome obstacles and succeed in life, even when others don't have faith.  Being a music therapist allows you help change the world.  It allows you to help change the view of how some people look/think about those who may be "a little different."

There's just something so exciting about when your nonverbal client who has autism takes over the intervention while using full words.  Or that moment when an elderly client finally shares about an experience in their life, such as losing their loved one.  Not to mention that moment when a teenage client gets up and sings Katy Perry in front of the entire group! While those moments don't happen in every session, it's the hard work that happens in the sessions before the big moment that make being a music therapist so rewarding!

If we are being honest, the class that totally made me fall the most in love with music therapy that I have ever felt was Research Methods.  Being able to finally understand a MT research article changed the way that I viewed and understood the profession. Understanding music therapy research opened up new windows of opportunity and growth that has allowed me to bring new ideas to my clients. The BEST thing about understanding music therapy research is that when I am faced with the challenge of "Am I supposed to be a music therapist?," I can pull out the latest issue of JMT or MT Perspectives and be reminded of the amazing opportunities in the field.  (Yes, I know...this paragraph probably makes me seem like a huge nerd!)

These are just a few of the reasons why I have chosen to become a music therapist instead of a music educator. I am beyond excited (and nervous) to be preparing for my senior year of college! I still have a long way to grow as a music therapist, especially with some of my music skills needed for the profession, but I am ready to tackle these and make the most of my last year at WIU.

As always, thank you to everyone who has and continues to support me along this wonderful journey that God has created specifically for me!

A Letter to Caitlin

I don't know where to start or where to end...but here is my best attempt:

From our love of grammar, to our love of music therapy, and everything in-between, I know that I have a life-long friend in you.

We've spent hours in the library together.  We've tossed around research ideas like nobody's business. We've laughed so hard we cried, and we've been there for each other during the tough times when we need a shoulder to cry on.  We've even shared food together, despite your little gluten allergy.  But most importantly, we have pushed each other to be the best person that each of us can be.

We've shared about our highest moments in music therapy, and we've share about our lowest moments.  We've traveled to conferences together, and I know we will continue this tradition for years to come.  We've shared about our dream jobs and populations served.  We've researched graduate schools together, and we've shared about our philosophies together.  But some of my favorite moments will always be the moments where we completely geeked out about a research article or when a client had a big break through.  

You've been there for me through thick and thin.  You constantly give me tips on how to improve my singing, and you are like a pesky little child with encouraging me to talk in my Minnie Mouse voice, because you know first hand how it will help me.  You listen to me butcher my songs for rep checks, and then help me to take them to a higher level.  You encourage and push me to hold myself to a higher standard.  You share in my procrastination, and then help me out when I'm in a last minute bind.

You remind me of why I love music therapy, and you help me fall even more in love with the field.  You put up with my questions when I can't remember what a certain term means.  You correct my grammar when I use a wrong term in my clinical writing.

You remind me that I am the only me.  That there is no other Michelle Bingheim out there.  You remind me that if I want to love music therapy and the trumpet, I can.  You remind me that God loves me.  You remind me that as long as I keep working, good things will come.  

More importantly than anything, you are my friend.  You are there for me no matter what, and I am forever grateful.  There are no words to express what you mean to me, or to express my thanks and gratitude.  

It has truly been a pleasure to watch you grow over the past two(ish) years.  You are an amazing human, and I can't wait to see where you go.  You have worked harder than most people I know, and it has all paid off! I am so happy that you are heading off to your dream internship, and I know you will kick some butt! 

Caitlin, I love you to the moon and back! Now go show those people in Ohio who the boss is! :)

(PS: to fellow grammar freak: I apologize if I made any grammar mistakes!)

Stubbornness

Over the course of the past year, and especially this semester, I have been working hard to build confidence and demand excellence.  It's taken me a long time to get to the point of wanting to work on my weaknesses, and the journey to get here has not been easy.

When I reflect on my journey of getting to where I am at today, it's completely evident that the only thing standing in the way of me conquering my dreams for the trumpet is myself.  I was/am the only thing holding me back...because I am a stubborn human being..and if you know me, you know that I'm not just a little stubborn, but that I am extremely stubborn.  If I don't want to do something, I am not going to do it.

When I decided to play Legende this semester, I was secretly laughing at myself on the inside; I couldn't triple-tongue, nor could I play a high C on a consistent basis....so how in the world was I going to play this piece??

That's when I realized that I didn't have a choice but to make myself work on these things; if I am going to play the piece, I obviously want to play it to the best of my ability. So that's when I set out to start working on my multiple tonguing and breaking down my stubbornness.

As I head into summer, I know that I have to keep working to continue breaking down my stubbornness. And if I am honest with myself, then it means that I have to work on breaking down my stubbornness in not only my trumpet playing, but also my stubbornness in terms of music therapy.

For music therapy this semester, I have realized that I let my music skills suffer.  I had worked really hard during the fall semester on these skills, and then I let them hit the wayside....why I let these hit the wayside, I'm not completely sure..but I have a few ideas.

One idea is the fact that as I found continued success with the trumpet, my love for it continued to grow and blossom each time I picked up the horn. A second idea being that so many of my family/friends know that I love playing and have been encouraging me to pursue more playing opportunities.  A third idea would be that the population I worked with this semester involved learning pop music, which I knew little about (and it's also harder for me to play/sing)...so instead of using that as motivation, I let it get the best of me.  I found ways to get around it..

I'm not proud of how I let my music therapy skills be put to the wayside, but the only thing that I can do now is transfer my knowledge and determination for trumpet to my work on music therapy skills.

I have finally accepted the realization that I have no clue where I will be in a few years; and honestly, I am OK with that. I know that I have to leave that in God's hands and trust in His plan for me.  God has tested me this semester in so many ways, and I have come out stronger than ever; it's time to continue getting stronger.

I love performing, and I love music therapy. Now it's time to show everyone, including myself, that I can love and be successful at both the trumpet and music therapy.

Fight Of Love

After what was easily one of the most stressful weeks of my college career, I returned home to hear the Chicago Staff Band perform. I was also fortunate enough to perform with them on two numbers as a member of the Quincy Park Band, which I will always treasure as a special memory.

I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have been playing at the Salvation Army in the brass band for nearly eight years. Being a part of the Quincy Corps has truly helped me to grow deeper in my faith, along with introducing me to some of my closest friends. But one of the most important things that I have learned is that the joy of helping others grow closer to Him by sharing the gift of music is never ending until the war is over, and I am constantly reminded that God is using me to help fight in the battle.

This weekend was a reminder that even when the storm gets tough, we have to trust in Him. If we need to cry, cry to Jesus...because when the flood comes, He will help us through. God doesn't put us in situations that we can't handle..and those hard/tough situations are often used to remind us to put our trust in Him and follow His plan for us.

The Soldiers Hymn is one of my favorite songs from the Salvation Army. And even though I am not a soldier, the concept of wearing a uniform holds true for all Christians.  We are all a part of God's army. We are here to share God's word and be victorious in the glorious fight of love. This song is a reminder of the fight that we, as Christians, are all fighting together. 

Peace, love, and blessings to all of my friends and family. Each one of you holds a special place in my heart, for which I am eternally grateful. ❤️ 

Why do I blog?

Over the past few months, I have had several people ask me about my blog...so I thought I would share a little bit about my blogging journey, and the reason(s) behind my blog.

My blogging journey actually started back in high school, but I never made my blog posts public...

Fast forward to spring semester of my freshman year of college.  I decided I wanted to start a blog for myself that I would feel comfortable sharing with others...which is how we get my current blog platform of "My Trumpet and What It Teaches Me."

The first couple of times I shared my blog, it was a little nerve racking..because when you post it for others to see, you are literally putting your thoughts/views out there for the entire world to see.  But the more I shared my blog on social media, the more I felt comfortable sharing.

SO..now for the question of "Why do I blog?"

I blog for myself.  And while I hope that I can touch other people through my blog, that is not the main reason that I blog.

I blog because I like writing. Sometimes when you write (type) things out, it helps to organize thoughts and clear your mind.  I'm also a bit of a grammar freak, so blogging fulfills part of the need for proper grammar in my life. (HA!)

I blog because it's fun.  It's an outlet outside of music where I feel safe.  It's an outlet outside of music where I can freely express myself. 

I blog because my life is busy...and sometimes I need some time for self-care.  I need time to express what I am going through..and sometimes that means expressing myself outside of music.  With that being said, I sometimes find it extremely hard to organize my thoughts into words...because words are hard...but as a future MT-BC, I know that it is extremely important to know how to put your thoughts into words.

Each blog post is simply about a thought or experience that I have had.  Sometimes I start a blog post and go back and finish it four months later...but sometimes I am driving home from school and come up with a blog post idea, and it only takes me twenty minutes to write that specific blog post..it all just depends.

God has blessed me with the gift of writing..and I am simply using that gift to share my life experiences with others.  One of the coolest things is when I write a blog post about something that is happening in my life, and then my friends come up and tell me: "I really needed that." or "I really enjoyed you blog post last night." because those are the reminders that God has a unique plan for me, and that He is using me to help others with their journey of life.  

So, thank you to all of my blog followers! XOXO

Why I'll never complain about playing scales again...

You know, sometimes we complain about things that aren't worth complaining about.

I have had some stressful days over the past few weeks. Often times when I am stressed, I start thinking about those who are no longer with us. One day as I began to think about my friends who are no longer here, I thought about the night that my friend Zak was killed.  I was scrolling through my twitter on a stressful day, and I found the tweet that I made the day that he was taken from this earth.  It read: "I've played through my scales so many times in the past week that it makes me want to vomit."

I mean, that's true.  As I prepared for my third seamster jury, I played through my scales so many freaking times...I was sick of playing them.  But when I look back on that tweet, I can't help but laugh at me for complaining about playing my scales.  I would give so much for my friend to be here practicing his scales...I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't be complaining about practicing his scales..because that's part of what you do to get better...so why was I complaining about practicing them? Shouldn't I want to practice them? Isn't that a part of what will make me a better trumpet player and musician?

This semester, I have been working a lot on scale studies...but not just for the sake of practicing my scales.  I am using them to work on volume, double/triple-tonguing, range, and anything else that you can think of..

And you know what, I'm not complaining...when I took away the mentality that I was "practicing my scales again," practicing the scale studies became a lot more fun...well, as fun as practicing scales can be...

And guess what? Working on those scale studies every single day has improved my overall playing so much!!

SO, the moral of the story is: always trust your teachers and their knowledge...and practice those darn scales even when you don't want to!

Make Music For Yourself

Why do you make music? Do you do it for yourself or for others? 

Why do you want to study music? Is it what you want to do with your life, or is it what others expect you to do with your life?

As I stood talking with my dad and two family friends today during a music event, this question ran through my mind.  It ran through my mind because one of those people that I was standing there with is the same person that asked me those questions as a junior in high school.

When he asked me if I was playing trumpet because I wanted to or because my parents wanted me to, I didn't know how to respond, as I had never really thought about it before.  It really made me think about if pursuing music was really what I wanted to do or if it was just something that I was going to pursue because everyone told me I would be good at it.

 I'll never forget the advice he gave me that day: "If you want to study music, then do it.  If you don't want to study music, then don't do it.  Don't do something because other people want you to.  Do the things that you want to do for yourself.  Make music for yourself.  Play the trumpet for yourself.  Study music because that's what you want to do with your life."

During the car ride home that day, I remember telling my parents how he asked me those questions, and telling them that I wanted to play trumpet for myself, not just because I was "supposed to." I'll never forget the way that my parents blankly stared at me and said: "We don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. This is your life."

That day will forever hold a place in my heart, because it changed my outlook on life.  It changed the reason that I was playing trumpet and making music.  It gave me the power to feel like I was in control of my life, especially when it came to music.

It wasn't until after that conversation that I truly started to consider studying music in college for myself...because I wanted to!  Who knew that a small conversation would lead me to where I am at today..pursuing music therapy because I want to.

I was once again reminded of why I am studying music and why I love making music today as I stood talking with these people.  It's people like these that have influenced me to want to study/pursue a career in music for myself.

I am forever grateful to all of my role models, mentors, teachers, friends, and colleagues in music who have supported me and continue to support me on my musical journey of making music for myself.

Prayer, Fasting, and Alms Giving

In the church, it is the season on Lent.  A season of repentance.  A season of preparing for the Resurrection of the Lord. A time when we reflect on our lives.

In the Catholic Church, Lent is a time for prayer, fasting, and alms giving.  As I've gotten older, the meanings of these words have changed.  

As a child, Lent is the time when you give up chocolate, soda, saying mean things, etc....but does giving up chocolate really help you to grow closer to God? 

Lent is a time, where through prayer, we can grow deeper in our relationship with Christ.  It's a time when we can give back and do our part.  It is a time where we can eliminate something negative in our lives that is holding us back in our relationship with God.

Lent is a time when the Church encourages you to repent for your sins.  The Church "requires" you to go to Confession once a year, and you will often hear priests encourage members to go during this time of repentance.  Confession is an idea that I have struggled with understanding for many years, and each Lent, the idea of Confession tugs at my heart.  I struggle with the concept of having to tell a priest my sins in order to be forgiven because I have many friends who aren't Catholic that have sinned and been forgiven...so why do I need to tell a priest my sins to be forgiven? 

As I prepared for this season of Lent and began praying about what my Lenten promise would be, I really began to think about the idea of Confession.  It has constantly been on my mind..do I go or do I not go? If I really needed to go to Confession, wouldn't God have already taken me through that journey? Why would He keep testing my faith with the idea of Confession?

But as I began praying about this idea, I realized that this was the most I had thought about this idea in a long time.  Here I am, a young adult who attends church nearly every weekend, and yet I feel conflicted because I struggle with the idea of Confession.  

I was reminded that when you give yourself to God, He will not lead you astray.  He will lead you exactly where you are supposed to go. He will take you on the amazing journey that He has created for you.  So I encourage all my family and friends who are struggling with something in their faith to pray.  Tell God what you are struggling with, because He wants to help you. 

"If you want to know what God wants you to do-ask him, and He will gladly tell you." James 1:5

Demand Excellence

As I sat in Wind Ensemble rehearsal on Friday afternoon, the only phrase going through my mind was "demand excellence."  When I was playing, it ran through my head...and when I was counting my rests, it ran through my head.

During my sophomore year in WE, Dr. Fansler would often use this phrase, but I don't think that it ever fully hit home with me.  The past two weeks have really been a reminder to me that you have to "demand excellence" every single time you do something, whether that's when you pick up the trumpet, when you are writing a session plan for music therapy, or when you are writing that score annotation for music history that you put off until the last minute. No matter what you are doing, you have to "demand excellence" in order to succeed.  

Demanding excellence is not easy.  It requires a lot of energy.  It requires a certain poise or presence.  It requires knowing why you are demanding excellence and where you want to go in the process of demanding excellence.  

When I was younger, I didn't "demand excellence." I simply did what it took to get by...(there's a blog post about that!)  But as I grew older, and of course more wiser, I have realized that I don't like to do things unless I am going to do them to the best of my ability, whether that's learning to rap for my clients or working on the pesky triple-tonguing that has been haunting me for years.

This semester is going to be very challenging for me in regard to both the trumpet and music therapy, but I am very excited about the possible outcome.  I have come a long way since my first week of freshman year, but there is still a long way to go...and it's time for me to be more demanding and "demand excellence" in everything that I am working on at school.

With that being said, I generally spend a lot of time on social media, and I have decided to take a little hiatus away from social media in order to help me stay on track and "demand excellence." I will still share blog posts and pictures every so often, because that is just who I am, but I won't be spending all of my free time browsing social media when I could be working on things that will help me succeed.

Don't miss me too much! 

Stand Up

Stand up, stand up for Jesus...These are the words to a Christian Hymn that we are taught as young ones. But what do these words really mean?

We, as humans, have the right to stand up for what we believe in. We have the right to stand up for what we deserve We have the right to stand up for our faith. We have the right to stand up for equal opportunities.

The most important thing that we have the right to stand up for is our God. Without God, we wouldn't be here. So why wouldn't we "Stand up for Jesus"???

As a young woman of faith who attends a public university, I have been faced with people who do not believe in God or who demoralize the Catholic faith.

I have had people tell me "you're a Catholic, and I'm a Christian, therefore we don't believe in the same things"....but wait, when it comes down to the bottom line, we both believe in the exact same thing: an amazing God who created this world and everything in and on it.

So yes, the churches that we belong to have different rules...but remember the common thing: GOD!

Almost every single day, I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have been raised in a family where faith was important. We went to church every weekend, and for a long time, we sat in the same pew with my Grandparents. You didn't get to play with toys or eat snacks-you sat there and paid attention and read your Catholic books about prayers/mass/confession or else you would get a dirty look from Grandpa. Oh, and there was no going to the bathroom..if you had to go, you went after communion when you were returning to your seat. Those were the rules, and you followed them.

In high school, my family also attended the Salvation Army.  Playing in the brass band and being involved in the Salvation Army helped me to understand that we all have different beliefs...but that the common theme is our amazing God. I made some of my closest friends in this time, and was challenged to grow even more in my faith because I was surrounded by people who had an unconditional love for him.

Having attended private school for K-12, I was never really faced with people challenging my faith until I went to college. While I am lucky to have few stories to tell about people challenging my faith, it has still happened. But every time that it has happened, it has helped me to grow even more in my faith and to develop my relationship with Him even more.

Whether you believe in God or not, I respect that. And even though it is hard to accept sometimes, we, as humans, have to remember that we all have our own thoughts, beliefs, morals, etc.  We have to remember that even if someone doesn't have the same beliefs as us, we must still show respect to them..because like the golden rule says: treat others as you want to be treated.

So always remember that we live in an ever-changing world where we are faced with hardships every single day.  We will be faced with people who do not agree with us in one-way or another day-in and day-out. Respect others and their beliefs. Treat others as you want to be treated. Show love and compassion the same way that you want to receive love and compassion. Show support to those in need, lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on, and most importantly, help others to believe in whatever they choose to believe in, so that they may find the same sense of comfort and belonging that you have.

The Chair in the Corner

When I was younger, we remodeled our kitchen. We, and by we-I really mean my parents, bought this nice dining room table from Harvey's that can fit up to eight people.  But since there were only four of us, we kept the table set for six..so those two extra chairs got put in the corners of the dining room.  The one chair was next to 'my spot' at the table...and everyone knew it was my place because I insisted on having a seat cushion on the chair...

But that chair in the corner right next to my place became 'my corner'...it became the place where everything got put..when I came home from a long day of band followed by school followed by cross country practice, ALL of my bags went there..the trumpet case, the ginormous book bag that was bigger than me, and of course the smelly cross country bag.

The chair would be full of papers and important things...when I couldn't find something, the best place to look was on the chair.  There were times when the chair was filled with all of the brochures that colleges send you in the mail...and there were times when it was filled with all of my trumpet music when I came home from a lesson.

After going off to college, my chair slowly creeped in to the corner while the chair without the cushion made its way to the table instead..but one thing stayed the same..not matter which chair was in the corner, it became a place for all of my stuff.

Today as I came home from running a few errands, I sat down for a moment in 'my chair' that is now in the corner of the dining room...and I suddenly realized how important this silly chair and seat cushion are to me. It's the place where I was sitting when my parents and I would have intense conversations about different topics during family dinners.  It's the place where I sat when my parents and I discussed my plans for the future.  It's the place where I did my homework..but most importantly, it is a reminder that so many positive things can happen around the dinner table when a family makes an effort to eat together.

As I get ready for another semester of school, I am feeling lucky to have my wonderful parents and sister in my life...and I am so grateful for all of those family dinners around the dinner table when I was able to sit in 'my chair.'