Do you ever feel pushed or pulled in so many ways that you just want it to stop?
For me, that is kind of how I have felt this semester. I want to spend time practicing trumpet, but I also need to spend time on everything related to music therapy. Along with that, I've also been challenged with wanting to spend more time with God and being involved at the Newman Center. It's definitely not easy to balance all of these things that are important to me, and some days truly are a big struggles to balance.
The battle to find a somewhat steady balance is never ending, and truthfully, I am thankful for that...because my life would be more boring if there was a complete balance...
A few weeks ago, I wrote my first original Christian composition and "performed" it at Wednesday Worship at Newman. Fast forward to a few Sunday' later: Father finally checked his Instagram and saw the video I had put up about my song...he then proceeded to publicly announce during the announcements at Sunday mass that I was "debuting" a new song this week at Adoration! Well...I wasn't planning to attend Wednesday Worship, as I was going to attend a faculty performance that night..but obviously God had other plans for me. He knew what was to come over the next few days, and He knew that I would need to be reminded of His love for me.
Monday and Tuesday were horrible. I found myself in tears in the practice room out of frustration. I was constantly stressed and worried about assignments. Then came Wednesday: my longest and busiest day of the week. I was nervous for both my lesson and my music therapy session, but I just kept reminding myself that everything would be okay, and that I would be able to spend time with Him at the end of the day.
But you know what?! My lesson went really well, and I left feeling more optimistic about my recital pieces. My session went better overall than I thought it would. And when you combine those two things: it makes for one happy camper! I sat through my five hours of rehearsal, and then I was finally able to head to Newman for Adoration.
When I arrived, I calmed my nerves and thanked God for the success that I had experienced through my trials of frustration. As I began to play my song, I felt God's love fill my heart, and His presence bring a calmness through my body. How amazing it is to have the opportunity to look at Jesus face-to-face every single week during Adoration. His love, grace, and beauty are fully present during this time, and it is a reminder of just how marvelous He is!
Through this experience, I found the answer to my question: NO, God will not stop pushing you. He will not stop loving you. He will not stop forgiving you. He will not stop caring for and protecting you. He will not stop, because He is our Father, and we are His children.
I am truly blessed for the amazing growth that I've had this semester in my faith life and in relation to music therapy. And while I often feel pushed and pulled in many directions, I am reminded that this is all just a part of God's plan for me...and that He won't stop! (Which I am learning to be more thankful for and more accepting of.)
I know this post isn't the most organized, but I have been trying to write a post for several weeks now to express my many thoughts and emotions, and this is the best I could come up with...because sometimes it is so hard to put everything into words for others to understand...and maybe everything doesn't need to be put into words for others to understand.
Love and hugs to all of my readers! Know that God loves you and cares about you!
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