Stubbornness

Over the course of the past year, and especially this semester, I have been working hard to build confidence and demand excellence.  It's taken me a long time to get to the point of wanting to work on my weaknesses, and the journey to get here has not been easy.

When I reflect on my journey of getting to where I am at today, it's completely evident that the only thing standing in the way of me conquering my dreams for the trumpet is myself.  I was/am the only thing holding me back...because I am a stubborn human being..and if you know me, you know that I'm not just a little stubborn, but that I am extremely stubborn.  If I don't want to do something, I am not going to do it.

When I decided to play Legende this semester, I was secretly laughing at myself on the inside; I couldn't triple-tongue, nor could I play a high C on a consistent basis....so how in the world was I going to play this piece??

That's when I realized that I didn't have a choice but to make myself work on these things; if I am going to play the piece, I obviously want to play it to the best of my ability. So that's when I set out to start working on my multiple tonguing and breaking down my stubbornness.

As I head into summer, I know that I have to keep working to continue breaking down my stubbornness. And if I am honest with myself, then it means that I have to work on breaking down my stubbornness in not only my trumpet playing, but also my stubbornness in terms of music therapy.

For music therapy this semester, I have realized that I let my music skills suffer.  I had worked really hard during the fall semester on these skills, and then I let them hit the wayside....why I let these hit the wayside, I'm not completely sure..but I have a few ideas.

One idea is the fact that as I found continued success with the trumpet, my love for it continued to grow and blossom each time I picked up the horn. A second idea being that so many of my family/friends know that I love playing and have been encouraging me to pursue more playing opportunities.  A third idea would be that the population I worked with this semester involved learning pop music, which I knew little about (and it's also harder for me to play/sing)...so instead of using that as motivation, I let it get the best of me.  I found ways to get around it..

I'm not proud of how I let my music therapy skills be put to the wayside, but the only thing that I can do now is transfer my knowledge and determination for trumpet to my work on music therapy skills.

I have finally accepted the realization that I have no clue where I will be in a few years; and honestly, I am OK with that. I know that I have to leave that in God's hands and trust in His plan for me.  God has tested me this semester in so many ways, and I have come out stronger than ever; it's time to continue getting stronger.

I love performing, and I love music therapy. Now it's time to show everyone, including myself, that I can love and be successful at both the trumpet and music therapy.