Heart of God

This fall, I challenged myself to take on a 28 day personal retreat through the book Heart of God published by Lifeteen.

I've never done anything like this before, and to be completely honest, I had no idea what to expect.  In the end, this personal retreat has encouraged me to live a more Christ-like life...by reminding me to share His love and mercy in all that I do...and to "be the heart of God."

I want to share about my biggest take away from each day of the journey.

1) The key is prayer. We must communicate through prayer with the Father. Without this communication, we show no desire to be wrapped in His arms.

2) God doesn't pursue unimportant things; therefore, you are important.

3) Each of us has the freedom to either pursue God or reject God.  The choice is up to us.

4) We must not be quick to end our love.  We must push through, just as God does with us each and every day.

5) The Heavenly Father is the only one who can love us unconditionally through all of our faults.  We must continually seek His love in order to be forgiven.

6) Why do we doubt Him when we know He is leading the way?

7) God provides for us even in the darkest of times.  Those dark times are when we must place even more trust in Him than before.

8) Stop asking God for things that you don't need.  Instead, praise Him for what He has given you.

9) Just like God's heart freely gives, we must freely give our life to Him. We must follow the call that He has for us.

10) Jesus died on the cross so that we would be free to receive God's love and mercy.

11) Know that God's love will always be free to you.  His love is not bound to anyone or anything.

12) God is waiting to love you and show you mercy.

13) Don't look at yourself through your eyes.  Rather, look at yourself through God's eyes.

14) Always keep in mid if you are serving God in everything that you do.

15) God's heart becomes jealous of us when we cast our focus on things other than Him.  His jealousy never turns into envy, though.

16) God doesn't just want to be the missing piece in the puzzle.  He wants to be the whole puzzle.

17) God knows when you need a heart transplant.  That's when He sends in the Holy Spirit to the operating room.

18) Every day, God gives us the ability to love others as He loves us.

19) We are not on the same level as God.  This is why we implore Him: to show Him our desire to be as close to Him as possible.

20) We sinned, and He didn't; yet, because of His great mercy, He accepts those sins and forgives us.

21) The mystery of God is meant to push each one of us to see who we are in Him.

22) Our prayer to understand His great mystery must become an active exercise that shows full confidence in Him.

23) God holds us, reveals Himself to us, and loves us for all that we are and all that we can (and will) become.

24) We must embrace the mystery, trust in His mysterious providence, comet to understand that He is far beyond any person/thing we could imagine, and then shout this for all to hear.

25) Don't mistake silence for absence.  Messages aren't always conveyed by words.

26) Courage is staying rooted to Him and trusting in Him to provide for all of your needs.

27) Through sin, He is beckoning you to Him.  He is calling you to sainthood.

28) God's heart beats with everlasting love. His love pours freely from His unyielding heart, constantly in a pursuit to fill our mortal bodies with everlasting life.

Why I Veil

Growing up, I didn’t know anyone who veiled, nor did I really ever see anyone wearing one. Because of this, I was never that curious about it or knew much about it.

Fast forward to my college years. As I started to grow and become more active in my faith, I also started to follow more Catholics on social media. The world of social media can be viewed as a very negative thing, but it can also be used as a beacon of light, although many people forget about this. And a beacon of light is most definitely what it has been for me. 

Through social media, I grew to have a curiosity and yearning for a deeper understanding about many things in my faith, especially veiling. As I became curious, I did my research.  Through this curiosity and research, I discovered that my heart was longing for a deeper connection in my faith life, and that veiling might be a step along that journey.

The idea of veiling just kept running through my head, and I couldn't stop looking at veils online...so, I finally gave in and bought a veil. My excitement grew as I waited for it to arrive in the mail. Then the day finally came, and my veil arrived in my mailbox.

Now to take the next steps: getting the veil blessed and actually wearing it.  This was going to be the true test. Would I follow through?

After getting it blessed, it was now time to actually wear the veil. I trusted in Him and wore it to Eucharistic Adoration for the first time...and what an amazing experience it was! 

I was nervous and very self-conscious.  A part of me didn't care what others would think, and a part of me couldn't stop wondering what people would think. Would I attract attention to myself? Would people be judging me? Will people think that I believe I am holier than them? 

But after the experience that I had wearing my veil for the first time, I knew that this was a part of His plan for me.  Each time I wear my veil, I begin to discover more about my faith and grow deeper in my relationship with Him.

The biggest take away from wearing my veil is the fact that it helps me to stay focused, especially when I am leading music.  Whether I'm at Adoration or at mass, wearing my veil helps me to stay connected to the reason that I am there: to spend time with Christ.

We live in a world of modern technology, social media, and thousands of distractions.  As a college student, it is extremely hard to block out distractions...but wearing my veil helps me to do just that: eliminate distractions.

I have now come to the point where I don't care what others think.  The fear of judgement doesn't really bother me...The only thing that matters is that I know why I am veiling: to be as close to God as possible; to live a life that shows Him my constant desire to be as Christ-like as possible.

Lord, I Lift Your Name On High

This weekend, I attended the Fall Retreat sponsored by the Newman Center.  It was full of laughs, smiles, #JesusJamz, prayer, reflection, and fellowship.

Since high school, Adoration has become very special to me.  It's a place where you are face-to-face with Jesus, which is truly magical...I've had a lot on my heart lately in regards to what God is calling me to do with my life.  I'm at a point where I love what I'm studying, and I'm content with that..but as I was reminded this weekend: we have to ask and pray about the next step that God wants us to take in order to grow even deeper in our relationship with Him.  With that, Adoration is a time when I can share every single thing that is on my heart with God...and that's when I experience those magical moments that stay in my mind forever. Experiencing Adoration during Newman Retreat was truly amazing, and it is an experience that I will never forget.

During the retreat, I was also reminded several times of my Catholic upbringing, especially in regards to how my Catholic education has impacted my faith life, both positively and negatively.  One of the things that I always think about when reflecting on my Catholic education is the fact that I attended mass every week with my peers.  Yes, as a grade school student, I absolutely disliked that I went to mass twice a week at school plus on the weekend with my mom...but now that I'm older, I realize how much I learned from going to mass so much as a young child.

On Saturday night, as Mara and I were picking music for mass the next morning, I was reminded of those special times at school masses. Mara suggested Lord, I Lift Your Name On High.  I immediately said yes, of course, because I LOVE this song...it's one of the first things that comes into my mind when I think about school masses.  (Yes, I know it just repeats at nauseam...but I don't really care!)  (Side-note: whenever I think of this, I of course have to do the actions that go along with it...because did you really live that Catholic school life if you didn't have actions to most of the songs?!)

The next morning, Mara and I led the music for mass.  When we got to the closing song, it was the only song the two of us had never done together, yet it was as if we had spent time practicing.  It was beautiful, and it was a reminder for me of the days I spent at mass with my peers.

As we prepared for mass at Newman later that night, we changed the closing song to, you guessed it, Lord, I Lift Your Name on High...and once again, I felt God take away all of my worries. It was such a glorious ending..because there is nothing like a room full of people singing the refrain to that song a-capella...it gave me goosebumps.

Tonight I am thankful for my Newman Family, Fr. Stimpson, Fr. Hepner, and my Catholic upbringing.  I am also thankful for the gift of music, and the fact that God is using music ministry to help me grow closer to Him.  I never guessed that I would be where I am today, especially in terms of my faith journey, but I wouldn't change any of it.  Thank you to all who have helped me develop this amazing relationship with Our Father!

Love and hugs to all! May God bless you and keep you safe!

God, could you please stop?

Do you ever feel pushed or pulled in so many ways that you just want it to stop?

For me, that is kind of how I have felt this semester.  I want to spend time practicing trumpet, but I also need to spend time on everything related to music therapy. Along with that, I've also been challenged with wanting to spend more time with God and being involved at the Newman Center.  It's definitely not easy to balance all of these things that are important to me, and some days truly are a big struggles to balance.

The battle to find a somewhat steady balance is never ending, and truthfully, I am thankful for that...because my life would be more boring if there was a complete balance...

A few weeks ago, I wrote my first original Christian composition and "performed" it at Wednesday Worship at Newman.  Fast forward to a few Sunday' later: Father finally checked his Instagram and saw the video I had put up about my song...he then proceeded to publicly announce during the announcements at Sunday mass that I was "debuting" a new song this week at Adoration! Well...I wasn't planning to attend Wednesday Worship, as I was going to attend a faculty performance that night..but obviously God had other plans for me. He knew what was to come over the next few days, and He knew that I would need to be reminded of His love for me.

Monday and Tuesday were horrible.  I found myself in tears in the practice room out of frustration.  I was constantly stressed and worried about assignments.  Then came Wednesday: my longest and busiest day of the week.  I was nervous for both my lesson and my music therapy session, but I just kept reminding myself that everything would be okay, and that I would be able to spend time with Him at the end of the day.

But you know what?! My lesson went really well, and I left feeling more optimistic about my recital pieces.  My session went better overall than I thought it would.  And when you combine those two  things: it makes for one happy camper!  I sat through my five hours of rehearsal, and then I was finally able to head to Newman for Adoration.

When I arrived, I calmed my nerves and thanked God for the success that I had experienced through my trials of frustration.  As I began to play my song, I felt God's love fill my heart, and His presence bring a calmness through my body.  How amazing it is to have the opportunity to look at Jesus face-to-face every single week during Adoration.  His love, grace, and beauty are fully present during this time, and it is a reminder of just how marvelous He is!

Through this experience,  I found the answer to my question: NO, God will not stop pushing you.  He will not stop loving you.  He will not stop forgiving you.  He will not stop caring for and protecting you.  He will not stop, because He is our Father, and we are His children.

I am truly blessed for the amazing growth that I've had this semester in my faith life and in relation to music therapy.  And while I often feel pushed and pulled in many directions, I am reminded that this is all just a part of God's plan for me...and that He won't stop! (Which I am learning to be more thankful for and more accepting of.)

I know this post isn't the most organized, but I have been trying to write a post for several weeks now to express my many thoughts and emotions, and this is the best I could come up with...because sometimes it is so hard to put everything into words for others to understand...and maybe everything doesn't need to be put into words for others to understand.

Love and hugs to all of my readers! Know that God loves you and cares about you!

#noexcuses and #discoveringHisplan

Last year, I began a journey of creating a motto or "hashtag" for each semester.  The fall was #buildingconfidence and the spring was #demandexcellence.  As I begin the fall semester of my senior year, I have already figured out my new motto for the semester: #noexcuses

I chose this motto because it is something that one of my professors has always said to me.  Last spring, I had a very rough semester...and at one point she pulled me aside and reminded me that there was no more time for excuses: the time was now.  And as WIU President Jack Thomas once said in a commencement address: "Now is the time, and the time is now."

SO, as I began to reflect on my goals for the semester, it finally it home that there really is no time for excuses. If I want my dream internship, then I have to work for it.  I have to improve my skills that are lacking and continue to master the skills I have already acquired.  This journey won't be easy, but I wouldn't be here without the support of my friends and family.

This semester will be full of concerts, internship applications, working at my voice/guitar skills, preparing for a combined recital, and hard classes.

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As I reflect on my goals for this semester, I am reminded of how far I have come since my start. However, as many of you know, this journey has had its ups and downs. Last year, as I was #buildingconfidence, I started to surround myself with more people who had a positive outlook on life and who had the same views/ideals as I have.  Through this, I became more active at my church and my faith journey advanced.

I am excited to be even more active at the Newman Center this year.  Just in my first week back, I have already experienced a change in my attitude by being more proactive in my faith.  The opportunities I have to be more active at Newman are not only challenging my faith, but also challenging me to be the best version of myself.

Tonight, after a day full of classes, a rehearsal, and lots of email exchanges, I took some time to be with Jesus during Wednesday Night Adoration/Worship.  There was a part of me that wanted to go, and a part of me that just wanted to sit at home and watch Netflix...but all day there was this little voice in my head telling me to go to Adoration....so I did...and it was THE BEST choice I made today. Not only did I get to spend an hour with Jesus, but I had an hour without any distractions from other people, social media, or texts/phone calls.  Being able to spend that entire hour with Jesus truly made my heart full.  During this time, I was reminded of His endless and never failing love for me, the need to want, know, and love Him in order to live, and how thankful I am to have been brought up in a loving and safe environment by people of faith.

When we are truly living a life devoted to God's plan for us, it is so much easier to have a more joyful spirit and a more positive outlook on life. So while I have already accepted to follow God's plan for me, one of my faith goals for the semester is to constantly be living out and discovering His plan for me, which is where you get #discoveringHisplan

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As these two parts of my life combine, it is allowing me to have new ways to overcome my fears and reinforce the mottos I have chosen.  And as I work at #discoveringHisplan, I am given the opportunity to work on my music skills and overcome some of my fears. 

To end, I just want to say that I am looking forward to a very exciting semester and final year at WIU.  I know the weeks and months ahead will be full of joys, sorrows, trials, tribulations, triumphs, and other exciting things.  It will be a journey that is scary, but yet so amazing at the same time. 

Love, hugs, and prayers to all! 

Cross Country

The wet dew on the grass seeping through your shoes.  The sounds of birds chirping as they wake.   The sun peeking through the clouds as you walk the course with your teammates.  The brisk morning air hitting your face during those first few seconds of the warm-up.

It's a sport that some make fun of..some even say it's not a "real" sport.  But to those of us who know the greatness of being on a cross country team, it is the only sport.

Summer workouts are nasty, hot, and sweaty. You start your day with a run, before you go home and crash from exhaustion. As the school year approaches, the workouts slowly intensify.  Then comes the first week of official practices: a long run in the morning and core in the evening. And before you know it, the first race has arrived.

As the season moves forward, the bond of the team grows.  The love and passion for the sport blossoms in the first timers.  Everyone truly becomes a family. And as this bond grows, everyone works harder to accomplish their goals.  Each runner works to beat their personal bests and to do their part to help the team place.

And as the growth of the team comes, so do the cool fall mornings.  It's those cool fall mornings that all former cross country runners associate with the sport. The memories that come with the feel of the wet grass seeping through your shoes are some of the best.  The gentle breeze hitting your bear legs will forever give you the chills. The memories of the oh, so wonderful snacks and treats that the parents brought to every race make you want a fruity pebbles rice crispy treat.

Whether you were the number one runner or the last runner to cross the finish line, it didn't matter. What mattered most was that each person was working hard to be the best runner possible. Teammates cheered for and encouraged each member of the team to push forward and put up a fight as the final stretch to the finish line came into sight. The feeling of accomplishment sets in as you cross the finish line and find out that you just set a new personal record.

This sport forever holds a special place in my heart. Love and hugs to my QND XC family.

The Top 10 Reasons to Attend IC Convention

I am fortunate in the fact that I have grown up in ESA..so much so that I have attended IC Convention every single summer. That's right-this year is my 22nd ESA IC Convention.

So as we prepare to head to St. Louis and be surrounded by our ESA Family, I thought I would share my family's "Top 10 Reasons to Attend Convention."

Reason 10: Food Adventures.

This one is special to my family and my close ESA Family, because we somehow always end up on wild food adventures.  From venturing to a pizza place in Minnesota where you end up eating big balls of sausage on your pizza that you scoop up with a foam to-go container macgyvered with a pocket knife, to hunting for good German restaurants so you can have pretzel's with cheese and schnitzel, my family has some of the best food adventures.  And I think it's safe to say that most people at Convention aren't afraid to hunt for the good food.

Reason 9: It's Family-Friendly!

Are you confused as to how I've attended IC Convention every year? Well, if you couldn't figure it out by my stories under food adventures, IC Convention is truly a family-friendly affair. There are things for ESA Members of all ages to do! My family knows that when we head to Convention, the golf clubs will be packed, as my dad goes with the golf group nearly every day that we are gone.  When we were younger, my sister and I had a babysitter that tagged along-whether it was a family friend or the daughter of my mom's fellow chapter member...and then for a while, my grandma tagged along to hang out with us! Once we were old enough, we gradually started attending meetings more and more each year. If you bring your family along, my sister and I promise that we will show your kids the ropes and introduce them to the best grandmas, moms, and aunts that are out there!

Reason 8: Flag Ceremony/Hope for Heroes Workshop

Some years, there are tears running down my face during the flag ceremony.  ESA is often fortunate to have had those who have served or are currently serving our country do the honor of bringing in the American flag.  And that is truly inspirational.  During the flag ceremony, we bring in the flags of each state represented in ESA.  We carry in the flags of the three country's where ESA is present: The United States of America, Canada, and Australia. We bring in the flags of St. Jude's Hospital and Easter Seals.  We bring in the All Faith Flag, representing that ESA welcomes people of all faiths. We bring in the flag of the ESA Foundation and ESA International. Each year during the Hope for Heroes Workshop, we are reminded of the countless efforts of the men and women who protect our country.  We are reminded of the many ways that we can continue to support and provide for those men and women, along with their families.

Reason 7: Easter Seals Workshop

In this workshop, we smile, because we are reminded of how our efforts of supporting Easter Seals go to use..we are reminded of the AMAZING services that Easter Seals is able to provide because of the support from ESA.  We hear stories of the individuals who benefit from the services provided by Easter Seals.  We share about new ways to volunteer with our local Easter Seals branch.

Reason 6: Opening/Closing Rituals

It's one thing to say the opening/closing rituals at a chapter meeting or local state convention..but it's a whole different thing to say them in a room full of hundreds of your ESA Sisters and Brothers.  Every year, I leave the closing ritual with goosebumps.  It's so moving to know that every person in that room have the same goals in mind-always working to "be the change" and "meet the needs of the ever changing world."

Reason 5: St. Jude Meet the Patient Workshop

There's a phrase that my sister, mom, and I say every year: don't wear make up on Friday. Just don't..unless it's waterproof mascara.  I'm pretty confident when I say that there is a 95% chance that you will cry during the St. Jude Workshop.  I mean, hearing the stories of patients and survivors from St. Jude is nothing short of inspirational.  These young children go through more than some of us will ever go through.  They fight the odds and attempt to beat childhood cancer, and we are just a small part of their story by donating items and raising money.

Reason 4: The friendships you make will last a lifetime.

You may think that you've made some incredible friendships throughout your life.  But let me tell you, until you go to IC Convention and meet some of the PICPA's, you have't made some of your most important friendships.  None of the ESA Members at Convention are your "average" member.  In some way, shape, or form, each member attending Convention does something that makes them stand out in a good way.  Whether you become friends with one of the inspiring Past President's, become friends with a fellow "first time attendee," or become friends with a member you meet in the coffee line, I can guarantee that you will meet some of your closest and most inspirational friends during your time at IC Convention.

Reason 3: Traveling to new places-but never alone!

Remember how "Reason 4" was about friendships? Well...even during your first Convention, I guarantee that if you want to explore a part of the city where we are at, at least one person at convention will want to go with you.  And every time you come back after the first, you will have so many new friends that will be willing to travel and explore new places with you.  I mean, the first year that I met my lovely Idaho moms, I went to the bone museum with them..so never be afraid to ask someone to do something with you..because if they don't want to go, I bet they will know someone who would want to go. You will never travel alone again!

Reason 2: Your life will be forever changed for the better.

If you haven't figured it out by now, all of these reasons add up to having one of the best experiences of your life.  Attending Convention and going to different meetings and workshops will forever change your life.  You'll never be the same, because your new friends will continue to mold you, push you, and encourage you for years to come.

Reason 1: Your overall love for ESA will grow more than you ever imagined possible.

I mean, if reading all of these reasons hasn't gotten you excited about ESA..then you are just going to have to come and experience Convention for yourself! I promise you won't regret it.  Your love for this amazing organization will grow from the moment you arrive and continue to grow once you leave.  Your idea wheel will be constantly spinning.  You will leave wanting to impact your community even more than your chapter already has-and I guarantee it will be epic.

Peace, love, and hugs to all of my ESA Family! I can't wait to see you all in St. Louis next week!

**I have a challenge for all of you attending Convention: let's see how many people I can get selfies with! Whether I've known you for my entire life or you have no clue who I am but just read my blog-find me and let's take a picture together!!