A Letter to Caitlin

I don't know where to start or where to end...but here is my best attempt:

From our love of grammar, to our love of music therapy, and everything in-between, I know that I have a life-long friend in you.

We've spent hours in the library together.  We've tossed around research ideas like nobody's business. We've laughed so hard we cried, and we've been there for each other during the tough times when we need a shoulder to cry on.  We've even shared food together, despite your little gluten allergy.  But most importantly, we have pushed each other to be the best person that each of us can be.

We've shared about our highest moments in music therapy, and we've share about our lowest moments.  We've traveled to conferences together, and I know we will continue this tradition for years to come.  We've shared about our dream jobs and populations served.  We've researched graduate schools together, and we've shared about our philosophies together.  But some of my favorite moments will always be the moments where we completely geeked out about a research article or when a client had a big break through.  

You've been there for me through thick and thin.  You constantly give me tips on how to improve my singing, and you are like a pesky little child with encouraging me to talk in my Minnie Mouse voice, because you know first hand how it will help me.  You listen to me butcher my songs for rep checks, and then help me to take them to a higher level.  You encourage and push me to hold myself to a higher standard.  You share in my procrastination, and then help me out when I'm in a last minute bind.

You remind me of why I love music therapy, and you help me fall even more in love with the field.  You put up with my questions when I can't remember what a certain term means.  You correct my grammar when I use a wrong term in my clinical writing.

You remind me that I am the only me.  That there is no other Michelle Bingheim out there.  You remind me that if I want to love music therapy and the trumpet, I can.  You remind me that God loves me.  You remind me that as long as I keep working, good things will come.  

More importantly than anything, you are my friend.  You are there for me no matter what, and I am forever grateful.  There are no words to express what you mean to me, or to express my thanks and gratitude.  

It has truly been a pleasure to watch you grow over the past two(ish) years.  You are an amazing human, and I can't wait to see where you go.  You have worked harder than most people I know, and it has all paid off! I am so happy that you are heading off to your dream internship, and I know you will kick some butt! 

Caitlin, I love you to the moon and back! Now go show those people in Ohio who the boss is! :)

(PS: to fellow grammar freak: I apologize if I made any grammar mistakes!)

Stubbornness

Over the course of the past year, and especially this semester, I have been working hard to build confidence and demand excellence.  It's taken me a long time to get to the point of wanting to work on my weaknesses, and the journey to get here has not been easy.

When I reflect on my journey of getting to where I am at today, it's completely evident that the only thing standing in the way of me conquering my dreams for the trumpet is myself.  I was/am the only thing holding me back...because I am a stubborn human being..and if you know me, you know that I'm not just a little stubborn, but that I am extremely stubborn.  If I don't want to do something, I am not going to do it.

When I decided to play Legende this semester, I was secretly laughing at myself on the inside; I couldn't triple-tongue, nor could I play a high C on a consistent basis....so how in the world was I going to play this piece??

That's when I realized that I didn't have a choice but to make myself work on these things; if I am going to play the piece, I obviously want to play it to the best of my ability. So that's when I set out to start working on my multiple tonguing and breaking down my stubbornness.

As I head into summer, I know that I have to keep working to continue breaking down my stubbornness. And if I am honest with myself, then it means that I have to work on breaking down my stubbornness in not only my trumpet playing, but also my stubbornness in terms of music therapy.

For music therapy this semester, I have realized that I let my music skills suffer.  I had worked really hard during the fall semester on these skills, and then I let them hit the wayside....why I let these hit the wayside, I'm not completely sure..but I have a few ideas.

One idea is the fact that as I found continued success with the trumpet, my love for it continued to grow and blossom each time I picked up the horn. A second idea being that so many of my family/friends know that I love playing and have been encouraging me to pursue more playing opportunities.  A third idea would be that the population I worked with this semester involved learning pop music, which I knew little about (and it's also harder for me to play/sing)...so instead of using that as motivation, I let it get the best of me.  I found ways to get around it..

I'm not proud of how I let my music therapy skills be put to the wayside, but the only thing that I can do now is transfer my knowledge and determination for trumpet to my work on music therapy skills.

I have finally accepted the realization that I have no clue where I will be in a few years; and honestly, I am OK with that. I know that I have to leave that in God's hands and trust in His plan for me.  God has tested me this semester in so many ways, and I have come out stronger than ever; it's time to continue getting stronger.

I love performing, and I love music therapy. Now it's time to show everyone, including myself, that I can love and be successful at both the trumpet and music therapy.

Fight Of Love

After what was easily one of the most stressful weeks of my college career, I returned home to hear the Chicago Staff Band perform. I was also fortunate enough to perform with them on two numbers as a member of the Quincy Park Band, which I will always treasure as a special memory.

I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have been playing at the Salvation Army in the brass band for nearly eight years. Being a part of the Quincy Corps has truly helped me to grow deeper in my faith, along with introducing me to some of my closest friends. But one of the most important things that I have learned is that the joy of helping others grow closer to Him by sharing the gift of music is never ending until the war is over, and I am constantly reminded that God is using me to help fight in the battle.

This weekend was a reminder that even when the storm gets tough, we have to trust in Him. If we need to cry, cry to Jesus...because when the flood comes, He will help us through. God doesn't put us in situations that we can't handle..and those hard/tough situations are often used to remind us to put our trust in Him and follow His plan for us.

The Soldiers Hymn is one of my favorite songs from the Salvation Army. And even though I am not a soldier, the concept of wearing a uniform holds true for all Christians.  We are all a part of God's army. We are here to share God's word and be victorious in the glorious fight of love. This song is a reminder of the fight that we, as Christians, are all fighting together. 

Peace, love, and blessings to all of my friends and family. Each one of you holds a special place in my heart, for which I am eternally grateful. ❤️ 

Why do I blog?

Over the past few months, I have had several people ask me about my blog...so I thought I would share a little bit about my blogging journey, and the reason(s) behind my blog.

My blogging journey actually started back in high school, but I never made my blog posts public...

Fast forward to spring semester of my freshman year of college.  I decided I wanted to start a blog for myself that I would feel comfortable sharing with others...which is how we get my current blog platform of "My Trumpet and What It Teaches Me."

The first couple of times I shared my blog, it was a little nerve racking..because when you post it for others to see, you are literally putting your thoughts/views out there for the entire world to see.  But the more I shared my blog on social media, the more I felt comfortable sharing.

SO..now for the question of "Why do I blog?"

I blog for myself.  And while I hope that I can touch other people through my blog, that is not the main reason that I blog.

I blog because I like writing. Sometimes when you write (type) things out, it helps to organize thoughts and clear your mind.  I'm also a bit of a grammar freak, so blogging fulfills part of the need for proper grammar in my life. (HA!)

I blog because it's fun.  It's an outlet outside of music where I feel safe.  It's an outlet outside of music where I can freely express myself. 

I blog because my life is busy...and sometimes I need some time for self-care.  I need time to express what I am going through..and sometimes that means expressing myself outside of music.  With that being said, I sometimes find it extremely hard to organize my thoughts into words...because words are hard...but as a future MT-BC, I know that it is extremely important to know how to put your thoughts into words.

Each blog post is simply about a thought or experience that I have had.  Sometimes I start a blog post and go back and finish it four months later...but sometimes I am driving home from school and come up with a blog post idea, and it only takes me twenty minutes to write that specific blog post..it all just depends.

God has blessed me with the gift of writing..and I am simply using that gift to share my life experiences with others.  One of the coolest things is when I write a blog post about something that is happening in my life, and then my friends come up and tell me: "I really needed that." or "I really enjoyed you blog post last night." because those are the reminders that God has a unique plan for me, and that He is using me to help others with their journey of life.  

So, thank you to all of my blog followers! XOXO

Why I'll never complain about playing scales again...

You know, sometimes we complain about things that aren't worth complaining about.

I have had some stressful days over the past few weeks. Often times when I am stressed, I start thinking about those who are no longer with us. One day as I began to think about my friends who are no longer here, I thought about the night that my friend Zak was killed.  I was scrolling through my twitter on a stressful day, and I found the tweet that I made the day that he was taken from this earth.  It read: "I've played through my scales so many times in the past week that it makes me want to vomit."

I mean, that's true.  As I prepared for my third seamster jury, I played through my scales so many freaking times...I was sick of playing them.  But when I look back on that tweet, I can't help but laugh at me for complaining about playing my scales.  I would give so much for my friend to be here practicing his scales...I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't be complaining about practicing his scales..because that's part of what you do to get better...so why was I complaining about practicing them? Shouldn't I want to practice them? Isn't that a part of what will make me a better trumpet player and musician?

This semester, I have been working a lot on scale studies...but not just for the sake of practicing my scales.  I am using them to work on volume, double/triple-tonguing, range, and anything else that you can think of..

And you know what, I'm not complaining...when I took away the mentality that I was "practicing my scales again," practicing the scale studies became a lot more fun...well, as fun as practicing scales can be...

And guess what? Working on those scale studies every single day has improved my overall playing so much!!

SO, the moral of the story is: always trust your teachers and their knowledge...and practice those darn scales even when you don't want to!

Make Music For Yourself

Why do you make music? Do you do it for yourself or for others? 

Why do you want to study music? Is it what you want to do with your life, or is it what others expect you to do with your life?

As I stood talking with my dad and two family friends today during a music event, this question ran through my mind.  It ran through my mind because one of those people that I was standing there with is the same person that asked me those questions as a junior in high school.

When he asked me if I was playing trumpet because I wanted to or because my parents wanted me to, I didn't know how to respond, as I had never really thought about it before.  It really made me think about if pursuing music was really what I wanted to do or if it was just something that I was going to pursue because everyone told me I would be good at it.

 I'll never forget the advice he gave me that day: "If you want to study music, then do it.  If you don't want to study music, then don't do it.  Don't do something because other people want you to.  Do the things that you want to do for yourself.  Make music for yourself.  Play the trumpet for yourself.  Study music because that's what you want to do with your life."

During the car ride home that day, I remember telling my parents how he asked me those questions, and telling them that I wanted to play trumpet for myself, not just because I was "supposed to." I'll never forget the way that my parents blankly stared at me and said: "We don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. This is your life."

That day will forever hold a place in my heart, because it changed my outlook on life.  It changed the reason that I was playing trumpet and making music.  It gave me the power to feel like I was in control of my life, especially when it came to music.

It wasn't until after that conversation that I truly started to consider studying music in college for myself...because I wanted to!  Who knew that a small conversation would lead me to where I am at today..pursuing music therapy because I want to.

I was once again reminded of why I am studying music and why I love making music today as I stood talking with these people.  It's people like these that have influenced me to want to study/pursue a career in music for myself.

I am forever grateful to all of my role models, mentors, teachers, friends, and colleagues in music who have supported me and continue to support me on my musical journey of making music for myself.

Prayer, Fasting, and Alms Giving

In the church, it is the season on Lent.  A season of repentance.  A season of preparing for the Resurrection of the Lord. A time when we reflect on our lives.

In the Catholic Church, Lent is a time for prayer, fasting, and alms giving.  As I've gotten older, the meanings of these words have changed.  

As a child, Lent is the time when you give up chocolate, soda, saying mean things, etc....but does giving up chocolate really help you to grow closer to God? 

Lent is a time, where through prayer, we can grow deeper in our relationship with Christ.  It's a time when we can give back and do our part.  It is a time where we can eliminate something negative in our lives that is holding us back in our relationship with God.

Lent is a time when the Church encourages you to repent for your sins.  The Church "requires" you to go to Confession once a year, and you will often hear priests encourage members to go during this time of repentance.  Confession is an idea that I have struggled with understanding for many years, and each Lent, the idea of Confession tugs at my heart.  I struggle with the concept of having to tell a priest my sins in order to be forgiven because I have many friends who aren't Catholic that have sinned and been forgiven...so why do I need to tell a priest my sins to be forgiven? 

As I prepared for this season of Lent and began praying about what my Lenten promise would be, I really began to think about the idea of Confession.  It has constantly been on my mind..do I go or do I not go? If I really needed to go to Confession, wouldn't God have already taken me through that journey? Why would He keep testing my faith with the idea of Confession?

But as I began praying about this idea, I realized that this was the most I had thought about this idea in a long time.  Here I am, a young adult who attends church nearly every weekend, and yet I feel conflicted because I struggle with the idea of Confession.  

I was reminded that when you give yourself to God, He will not lead you astray.  He will lead you exactly where you are supposed to go. He will take you on the amazing journey that He has created for you.  So I encourage all my family and friends who are struggling with something in their faith to pray.  Tell God what you are struggling with, because He wants to help you. 

"If you want to know what God wants you to do-ask him, and He will gladly tell you." James 1:5