Halfway Mark?

For four years, I worked my tail off to get to where I am today.

I spent countless hours in the practice room working to improve my vocal skills, learning guitar, and re-learning the skills I had gained as a child in piano lessons.  I spent countless hours staring at the computer writing papers, reading books, reading research articles, and writing session plans.

When I walked across the stage in May, I felt ready. I felt prepared. I felt as though I was ready to conquer internship.  Then came the first day of internship.  It suddenly felt as if I knew nothing about the profession. As if I knew no children's rep.  As if I didn't know how to interact with other human beings.

Starting internship with two supervisors whom I knew nothing about was terrifying yet exhilarating at the same time. But very quickly, I knew that I was in the right spot.  I knew that God placed me exactly where He wanted me to be.

Now, 3.5 months into my internship, I am happy to share that I am LOVING what I am doing. Yes-some days aren't as easy as others.  Yes-there are days when I'm not motivated.  Yes-there are days when I still question "why music therapy?" However, those days are very few.

Most days I smile from the joy of helping my students.  I might be exhausted on my drive home, but it's because I put all of my effort into being energized and motivated to help my kiddos. The kids I work with are truly the best, and I am a better person/therapist because of them.

The lessons that I have learned in my internship so far are uncountable.  I've learned so many songs, I've become much more confident in my vocal skills, and I've attempted to become less of a perfectionist. Oh-and I have developed a love/hate relationship with laminating/cutting out visuals!

I am looking forward to the second half of my internship, and I can't wait to share more with all of you!

(PS: If you know of any music therapy jobs with kids/in a school setting, let me know!)

3 Reasons My Faith Has Grown:

Over the past few years, and especially the last year, I have grown in my faith and come to a deeper relationship with Christ.  There are so many reasons for this growth, but today I wanted to share with you all the top three things that I believe have truly helped me the most over the past year.

1) Adoration

Since going to youth group in high school, Adoration has become a big part of my faith journey. While overall it is the Eucharist that is the constant theme in what has taught me to love my faith the most, it is also the practice of Adoration that has helped me tremendously in developing a personal relationship with Him.  During my first few years of college, I had gotten away from going to Adoration, but this past year I had the opportunity to adore the Blessed Sacrament at least once a week, each time reminding me that I am loved by an amazing Father.

Adoration is truly a time when I can come face-to-face with Jesus Christ.  I get to be there and look at my forever Father, the man who created me. During Adoration, it is a time to cast away all my worries, fears, struggles, and sorrows, but it is also a time to share my joys and to thank Him for all that He has done for me.

"Adoration outside the Holy Mass prolongs and intensifies what has taken place in the liturgical celebration and makes a true and profound reception of Christ possible."

-Pope Benedict XVI

2) Becoming friends with priests/religious

After becoming heavily involved at the Newman Center just over a year ago, I quickly developed friendships with a handful of priests. Forming friendships with these priests has been a reminder that they are normal people just like you and me, but God has called them each to serve The Church through their vocation to the priesthood, just like we are each called to a specific vocation. Throughout the past year, I have also had the opportunity to interact with religious sisters. I remember when I first met them, their joy and happiness was radiating. You couldn't help but notice that they loved The Lord in every moment. Developing friendships with these holy people has reminded me that even though they are called to fully serve the Church, they still face the same up and downs of life that you and I face.  

It's friendships like these that help us each to continuously (and constantly) grow deeper in our faith and our understanding of the teachings of the Catholic Church.  

"God sends us friends to be our firm support in the whirlpool of struggle.  In the company of friends we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal."

-St. Maximilian Kolbe

3) The Sacrament of Reconciliation

Because of the friendships I have developed with a handful of priests and some of my closest friends, I found the desire in my heart to overcome a fear in my faith life: that of going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  I can remember the first time I went after several years away from the sacrament: I was terrified--to the point of almost making my self sick. But after I stepped into the confessional and made the sign of the cross, all of those feelings went away...because God doesn't just push our sins to the side; He washes them away.

A priest once told me: "God forgives, as long as we act."

This message holds near to my heart still today, because when we act on our wrong doings by seeking God's mercy through the sacrament, we are coming to know God's love, mercy, and desires at a deeper level.  Without acting, we cannot expect forgiveness; we can't expect the desires in our hearts to change. God expects us to wrestle with our faith from time to time, and that is when we must look to Him for guidance instead of turning away.

"Confession is an act of honesty and courage - an act of entrusting ourselves, beyond sing, to the mercy of a loving and forgiving God."

-St. Pope John Paul II

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Together these three things combined have helped me to fall even more in love with my Catholic Faith over the past year.  There have been ups and downs. There have been fears and doubts that I have had to overcome. But God has shown me His guidance to get me where I am today.   

It has truly been an incredible journey, and I know that it is just the beginning of the even bigger journey that God is calling me to.  

What's Next?

AH, the most asked question in my life right now: What's next?

Well, first and foremost, I will be headed to Kansas in August to begin the journey of completing my music therapy internship! After that, I will prepare and take the music therapy board exam.

I am beyond excited (and also a little nervous) about moving to KS for my internship! I'm really looking forward to working in a school setting and being surrounded by music therapy all day every day.  My dream has always been to work as a music therapist in a school setting, and this is just one step closer to making that dream a reality!! But...the idea of living four hours from home kinda makes me a like anxious.  However, I know that everything will be just fine.

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As far as life after my internship and board exam, I'm not quite sure what will be next.  It could be a music therapy job, it could be grad school, it could be some type of ministry within the Church, or it could be something completely different that God has not revealed yet.  And while the idea of not knowing at all where I will be after the spring makes me a little freaked out, I know that God will lead me exactly where I need to be.

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Oh yes, the other side of things: my faith life. Obviously if you follow me on social media, you know that my faith is SUPER important to me...and it will continue to be this way.  My faith keeps me grounded, because without Him, I would not be here.  None of us would.  So yeah, my amazing love for God and the Church isn't going anywhere, and I hope to quickly find a church family and become involved at a local parish.

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Sooo...the only thing I can tell you with 100% assurance about my future is that I'm moving to KS! :) LOL! But truly, it is a dream come true to soon be heading off to my dream internship.  Four years ago I would have never imagined the life that I have right now! I have a busy summer of working music camps, packing up my apartment, visiting family/friends, heading to AZ for the ESA IC Convention, and taking an online class...and then I will be headed to start the next chapter in my book of life.  

A Letter to Dr. Briney

50 minutes.

Once a week, for four years, you put up with me for 50 minutes.

There are no words to express my thanks and gratitude for everything that you have taught me.  Each week brought new challenges, stories, laughs, and smiles.

You pushed me to work hard.  You encouraged me and supported me during my highest and lowest moments. 

You taught me to never give up, and to always work for my dreams.  You taught me to work hard when things weren't going my way. You showed me that just because something doesn't come easy, that doesn't mean it is impossible.

You supported me in my dreams of becoming a music therapist.  Week-in and week-out, you asked me about my music therapy classes, my research project, my guitar skills, and my clients.  You challenged me to sing in front of you, although I usually found a way out of it! ;)

You constantly asked me about my strengths and weaknesses.  You encouraged me and guided me along the path of improving my weaknesses.  You taught me to use my strengths to conquer those weaknesses.

Your door was always open if I needed to talk.  You were just an email, text, or phone call away if I had a question, and your house was always open to me if I needed to visit the dogs and escape the craziness of life for a few short moments.

One of the greatest things I have learned and will always treasure from my four years of studying with you is "to never let anything stop you from accomplishing your goals."  You constantly reminded me of this, whether it was by sending me an encouraging text/email, stopping me in the hallway to tell me how well I was doing, coming to my concerts, or being extremely honest with me in my lessons.

The email you sent me during finals week of my sophomore year will always hold a special place in my heart:

"If a skill doesn't come easy for you, you find a way to work on the problem and fix it.  This path isn't always the easiest and forces us to confront a variety of challenges and fears.  However, you always have taken a step forward after the trial.  Keep up the diligent work and you'll reap the rewards..."

Over the next two years as I continued to face many challenging obstacles, I often reminded myself of this email.  You gave me the courage to continue facing challenges and working for my dreams.

Thank you, Dr. Briney, for everything that you have taught me over the past four years.  Thank you for showing me all that the trumpet has to offer.  Thank you for allowing me to become a part of your family, and treating me like one of your own.  Thank you for constantly pushing me to be the best trumpet player, musician, music therapist, and person that I can be.

The next one is on me! :)

A Letter To My First Friend at WIU:

Dear Maddie,

I remember getting a Facebook message from you in November of my senior year of high school. You introduced yourself, and then I did the same. I never guessed that this conversation would end up leading us to become best friends, along with being roommates for two years.

I'll never forget the first time we met. I was SO nervous. Even though we had been messaging, I wasn't sure what to expect. After a few awkward moments upon meeting in person, everything turned out just fine. 

Then there was the train ride to visit you right before school started. On my way up, I remember thinking: "what if after spending three days together I can't stand her?" Ya, in no way, shape, or form did that cross my mind once I arrived. 

Two years in a tiny dorm room together teaches you a lot about a person, and you very quickly became my 'Christina Yang'! There were days when we wouldn't see each other, and days when we would hangout and watch a movie together.  There were days that we would do homework together, and there were days when we would make fun of Tyler! ;) 

One of the top things about our friendship is that we are always honest with each other. We shared our biggest accomplishments, and are deepest moments. As is life, we both experienced some major losses and devastations during these years, especially when we lived together..but we both made it through thanks to the support from each other.

And yes, there were even a few days when we couldn't stand each other-but you and I managed to only have a few of those.

Here we are during our last semester at WIU. We are still best friends. Sure, we go through periods where we don't talk much. But that doesn't matter...because as soon as one of us needs the other person, we are there. That's the type of bond that true friends have-the bond that no matter how much has happened, we are always there.

One of the memories that will always hold a special place in my heart is when we did a combined sophomore recital together.  At first it was my idea to do it, and then I was trying to get out of it..so you had to kind of push me into doing it..and thank goodness you did!! Through the process, we both gained an irreplaceable experience, grew so much as musicians, and our friendship grew stronger.

When I look at our friendship, it is very obvious how we have pushed in each other both musically and academically throughout the course of our time here at WIU.  I am very excited for the fact that we both (along with Tyler) get to end our ensemble career at WIU making music together in Wind Ensemble.  And...I can not wait for your senior recital in April!!!

Thank you for everything, my dear! I can't wait to see where we both end up! Your little Shellybell can't wait to come visit when you get a teaching job! :)

Daily Mass

20 (maybe 30) minutes a day.  How hard would it be for you to make that much time in your day to spend time with Jesus?

Last semester, one of my good friends kept telling me how she was going to 7am daily mass.  Every single time that she would tell met that she was going to mass in the morning I would think: "Man, how does she do that. I'm not that disciplined." Sometimes, I would even think: "Dang. She's crazy for going to mass so much."

Finally, during about the eighth week of the semester, after she kept inviting me to go to morning mass with her, I told her: "If you call and make sure I'm up in the morning, I'll go with you."

Guess what? She made sure I was up and ready to go to 7am daily mass the next morning.  Those first few weeks, it was tough to get myself to go.  Slowly but surely I started attending daily mass on a more regular basis. And you know what else? As I continued to make attending daily mass a bigger part of my life, I developed a deeper understanding and appreciation for the mass. 

Just after I started to attend daily mass on a more regular basis, I went on a retreat with my Newman Family.  As we were wrapping up the retreat, the priest leading the retreat challenged us to be more proactive in our prayer life.  I can still hear him saying: "I challenge you to take 15, 20 minutes out of your life every single day to spend more time with Jesus." He didn't just stop with proposing the challenge...he then asked each of us how we thought we could implement that into our lives starting that day. Not two weeks from then.  Not four moths from then. But how could we change our approach to prayer starting that very day.

As the semester went on, I made it a bigger priority to attend daily mass.  And one day, during the final week of classes before finals, as I sat in the chapel at Newman during daily mass, God spoke to me.  He had a message that He wanted me to hear loud and clear.  I remember kneeling down and looking up at the altar as the priest was reciting the various Eucharistic prayers, and during the breaking of the bread, we recited the following words:

"Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. 

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.  

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, grant us peace." 

BOOM! It hit me! How powerful are those words that we speak each time we prepare to receive the body and blood of Jesus Christ?!?! Just think about those words for a minute...Lamb of God, YOU take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.  Lamb of God, you TAKE AWAY the sins of the world, have mercy on us.  Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, GRANT US PEACE.

God had a message for me that afternoon.  He wanted to remind me that He loves me, that He has a plan for me, and that their is so much beauty found in the mass. 

It was just a simple invitation to attend daily mass from a friend who loves Jesus in an amazing way, and it changed my life.