Lord, I Lift Your Name On High

This weekend, I attended the Fall Retreat sponsored by the Newman Center.  It was full of laughs, smiles, #JesusJamz, prayer, reflection, and fellowship.

Since high school, Adoration has become very special to me.  It's a place where you are face-to-face with Jesus, which is truly magical...I've had a lot on my heart lately in regards to what God is calling me to do with my life.  I'm at a point where I love what I'm studying, and I'm content with that..but as I was reminded this weekend: we have to ask and pray about the next step that God wants us to take in order to grow even deeper in our relationship with Him.  With that, Adoration is a time when I can share every single thing that is on my heart with God...and that's when I experience those magical moments that stay in my mind forever. Experiencing Adoration during Newman Retreat was truly amazing, and it is an experience that I will never forget.

During the retreat, I was also reminded several times of my Catholic upbringing, especially in regards to how my Catholic education has impacted my faith life, both positively and negatively.  One of the things that I always think about when reflecting on my Catholic education is the fact that I attended mass every week with my peers.  Yes, as a grade school student, I absolutely disliked that I went to mass twice a week at school plus on the weekend with my mom...but now that I'm older, I realize how much I learned from going to mass so much as a young child.

On Saturday night, as Mara and I were picking music for mass the next morning, I was reminded of those special times at school masses. Mara suggested Lord, I Lift Your Name On High.  I immediately said yes, of course, because I LOVE this song...it's one of the first things that comes into my mind when I think about school masses.  (Yes, I know it just repeats at nauseam...but I don't really care!)  (Side-note: whenever I think of this, I of course have to do the actions that go along with it...because did you really live that Catholic school life if you didn't have actions to most of the songs?!)

The next morning, Mara and I led the music for mass.  When we got to the closing song, it was the only song the two of us had never done together, yet it was as if we had spent time practicing.  It was beautiful, and it was a reminder for me of the days I spent at mass with my peers.

As we prepared for mass at Newman later that night, we changed the closing song to, you guessed it, Lord, I Lift Your Name on High...and once again, I felt God take away all of my worries. It was such a glorious ending..because there is nothing like a room full of people singing the refrain to that song a-capella...it gave me goosebumps.

Tonight I am thankful for my Newman Family, Fr. Stimpson, Fr. Hepner, and my Catholic upbringing.  I am also thankful for the gift of music, and the fact that God is using music ministry to help me grow closer to Him.  I never guessed that I would be where I am today, especially in terms of my faith journey, but I wouldn't change any of it.  Thank you to all who have helped me develop this amazing relationship with Our Father!

Love and hugs to all! May God bless you and keep you safe!

God, could you please stop?

Do you ever feel pushed or pulled in so many ways that you just want it to stop?

For me, that is kind of how I have felt this semester.  I want to spend time practicing trumpet, but I also need to spend time on everything related to music therapy. Along with that, I've also been challenged with wanting to spend more time with God and being involved at the Newman Center.  It's definitely not easy to balance all of these things that are important to me, and some days truly are a big struggles to balance.

The battle to find a somewhat steady balance is never ending, and truthfully, I am thankful for that...because my life would be more boring if there was a complete balance...

A few weeks ago, I wrote my first original Christian composition and "performed" it at Wednesday Worship at Newman.  Fast forward to a few Sunday' later: Father finally checked his Instagram and saw the video I had put up about my song...he then proceeded to publicly announce during the announcements at Sunday mass that I was "debuting" a new song this week at Adoration! Well...I wasn't planning to attend Wednesday Worship, as I was going to attend a faculty performance that night..but obviously God had other plans for me. He knew what was to come over the next few days, and He knew that I would need to be reminded of His love for me.

Monday and Tuesday were horrible.  I found myself in tears in the practice room out of frustration.  I was constantly stressed and worried about assignments.  Then came Wednesday: my longest and busiest day of the week.  I was nervous for both my lesson and my music therapy session, but I just kept reminding myself that everything would be okay, and that I would be able to spend time with Him at the end of the day.

But you know what?! My lesson went really well, and I left feeling more optimistic about my recital pieces.  My session went better overall than I thought it would.  And when you combine those two  things: it makes for one happy camper!  I sat through my five hours of rehearsal, and then I was finally able to head to Newman for Adoration.

When I arrived, I calmed my nerves and thanked God for the success that I had experienced through my trials of frustration.  As I began to play my song, I felt God's love fill my heart, and His presence bring a calmness through my body.  How amazing it is to have the opportunity to look at Jesus face-to-face every single week during Adoration.  His love, grace, and beauty are fully present during this time, and it is a reminder of just how marvelous He is!

Through this experience,  I found the answer to my question: NO, God will not stop pushing you.  He will not stop loving you.  He will not stop forgiving you.  He will not stop caring for and protecting you.  He will not stop, because He is our Father, and we are His children.

I am truly blessed for the amazing growth that I've had this semester in my faith life and in relation to music therapy.  And while I often feel pushed and pulled in many directions, I am reminded that this is all just a part of God's plan for me...and that He won't stop! (Which I am learning to be more thankful for and more accepting of.)

I know this post isn't the most organized, but I have been trying to write a post for several weeks now to express my many thoughts and emotions, and this is the best I could come up with...because sometimes it is so hard to put everything into words for others to understand...and maybe everything doesn't need to be put into words for others to understand.

Love and hugs to all of my readers! Know that God loves you and cares about you!