A Letter to Caitlin

I don't know where to start or where to end...but here is my best attempt:

From our love of grammar, to our love of music therapy, and everything in-between, I know that I have a life-long friend in you.

We've spent hours in the library together.  We've tossed around research ideas like nobody's business. We've laughed so hard we cried, and we've been there for each other during the tough times when we need a shoulder to cry on.  We've even shared food together, despite your little gluten allergy.  But most importantly, we have pushed each other to be the best person that each of us can be.

We've shared about our highest moments in music therapy, and we've share about our lowest moments.  We've traveled to conferences together, and I know we will continue this tradition for years to come.  We've shared about our dream jobs and populations served.  We've researched graduate schools together, and we've shared about our philosophies together.  But some of my favorite moments will always be the moments where we completely geeked out about a research article or when a client had a big break through.  

You've been there for me through thick and thin.  You constantly give me tips on how to improve my singing, and you are like a pesky little child with encouraging me to talk in my Minnie Mouse voice, because you know first hand how it will help me.  You listen to me butcher my songs for rep checks, and then help me to take them to a higher level.  You encourage and push me to hold myself to a higher standard.  You share in my procrastination, and then help me out when I'm in a last minute bind.

You remind me of why I love music therapy, and you help me fall even more in love with the field.  You put up with my questions when I can't remember what a certain term means.  You correct my grammar when I use a wrong term in my clinical writing.

You remind me that I am the only me.  That there is no other Michelle Bingheim out there.  You remind me that if I want to love music therapy and the trumpet, I can.  You remind me that God loves me.  You remind me that as long as I keep working, good things will come.  

More importantly than anything, you are my friend.  You are there for me no matter what, and I am forever grateful.  There are no words to express what you mean to me, or to express my thanks and gratitude.  

It has truly been a pleasure to watch you grow over the past two(ish) years.  You are an amazing human, and I can't wait to see where you go.  You have worked harder than most people I know, and it has all paid off! I am so happy that you are heading off to your dream internship, and I know you will kick some butt! 

Caitlin, I love you to the moon and back! Now go show those people in Ohio who the boss is! :)

(PS: to fellow grammar freak: I apologize if I made any grammar mistakes!)

Stubbornness

Over the course of the past year, and especially this semester, I have been working hard to build confidence and demand excellence.  It's taken me a long time to get to the point of wanting to work on my weaknesses, and the journey to get here has not been easy.

When I reflect on my journey of getting to where I am at today, it's completely evident that the only thing standing in the way of me conquering my dreams for the trumpet is myself.  I was/am the only thing holding me back...because I am a stubborn human being..and if you know me, you know that I'm not just a little stubborn, but that I am extremely stubborn.  If I don't want to do something, I am not going to do it.

When I decided to play Legende this semester, I was secretly laughing at myself on the inside; I couldn't triple-tongue, nor could I play a high C on a consistent basis....so how in the world was I going to play this piece??

That's when I realized that I didn't have a choice but to make myself work on these things; if I am going to play the piece, I obviously want to play it to the best of my ability. So that's when I set out to start working on my multiple tonguing and breaking down my stubbornness.

As I head into summer, I know that I have to keep working to continue breaking down my stubbornness. And if I am honest with myself, then it means that I have to work on breaking down my stubbornness in not only my trumpet playing, but also my stubbornness in terms of music therapy.

For music therapy this semester, I have realized that I let my music skills suffer.  I had worked really hard during the fall semester on these skills, and then I let them hit the wayside....why I let these hit the wayside, I'm not completely sure..but I have a few ideas.

One idea is the fact that as I found continued success with the trumpet, my love for it continued to grow and blossom each time I picked up the horn. A second idea being that so many of my family/friends know that I love playing and have been encouraging me to pursue more playing opportunities.  A third idea would be that the population I worked with this semester involved learning pop music, which I knew little about (and it's also harder for me to play/sing)...so instead of using that as motivation, I let it get the best of me.  I found ways to get around it..

I'm not proud of how I let my music therapy skills be put to the wayside, but the only thing that I can do now is transfer my knowledge and determination for trumpet to my work on music therapy skills.

I have finally accepted the realization that I have no clue where I will be in a few years; and honestly, I am OK with that. I know that I have to leave that in God's hands and trust in His plan for me.  God has tested me this semester in so many ways, and I have come out stronger than ever; it's time to continue getting stronger.

I love performing, and I love music therapy. Now it's time to show everyone, including myself, that I can love and be successful at both the trumpet and music therapy.