Why I'll never complain about playing scales again...

You know, sometimes we complain about things that aren't worth complaining about.

I have had some stressful days over the past few weeks. Often times when I am stressed, I start thinking about those who are no longer with us. One day as I began to think about my friends who are no longer here, I thought about the night that my friend Zak was killed.  I was scrolling through my twitter on a stressful day, and I found the tweet that I made the day that he was taken from this earth.  It read: "I've played through my scales so many times in the past week that it makes me want to vomit."

I mean, that's true.  As I prepared for my third seamster jury, I played through my scales so many freaking times...I was sick of playing them.  But when I look back on that tweet, I can't help but laugh at me for complaining about playing my scales.  I would give so much for my friend to be here practicing his scales...I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't be complaining about practicing his scales..because that's part of what you do to get better...so why was I complaining about practicing them? Shouldn't I want to practice them? Isn't that a part of what will make me a better trumpet player and musician?

This semester, I have been working a lot on scale studies...but not just for the sake of practicing my scales.  I am using them to work on volume, double/triple-tonguing, range, and anything else that you can think of..

And you know what, I'm not complaining...when I took away the mentality that I was "practicing my scales again," practicing the scale studies became a lot more fun...well, as fun as practicing scales can be...

And guess what? Working on those scale studies every single day has improved my overall playing so much!!

SO, the moral of the story is: always trust your teachers and their knowledge...and practice those darn scales even when you don't want to!

Make Music For Yourself

Why do you make music? Do you do it for yourself or for others? 

Why do you want to study music? Is it what you want to do with your life, or is it what others expect you to do with your life?

As I stood talking with my dad and two family friends today during a music event, this question ran through my mind.  It ran through my mind because one of those people that I was standing there with is the same person that asked me those questions as a junior in high school.

When he asked me if I was playing trumpet because I wanted to or because my parents wanted me to, I didn't know how to respond, as I had never really thought about it before.  It really made me think about if pursuing music was really what I wanted to do or if it was just something that I was going to pursue because everyone told me I would be good at it.

 I'll never forget the advice he gave me that day: "If you want to study music, then do it.  If you don't want to study music, then don't do it.  Don't do something because other people want you to.  Do the things that you want to do for yourself.  Make music for yourself.  Play the trumpet for yourself.  Study music because that's what you want to do with your life."

During the car ride home that day, I remember telling my parents how he asked me those questions, and telling them that I wanted to play trumpet for myself, not just because I was "supposed to." I'll never forget the way that my parents blankly stared at me and said: "We don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. This is your life."

That day will forever hold a place in my heart, because it changed my outlook on life.  It changed the reason that I was playing trumpet and making music.  It gave me the power to feel like I was in control of my life, especially when it came to music.

It wasn't until after that conversation that I truly started to consider studying music in college for myself...because I wanted to!  Who knew that a small conversation would lead me to where I am at today..pursuing music therapy because I want to.

I was once again reminded of why I am studying music and why I love making music today as I stood talking with these people.  It's people like these that have influenced me to want to study/pursue a career in music for myself.

I am forever grateful to all of my role models, mentors, teachers, friends, and colleagues in music who have supported me and continue to support me on my musical journey of making music for myself.

Prayer, Fasting, and Alms Giving

In the church, it is the season on Lent.  A season of repentance.  A season of preparing for the Resurrection of the Lord. A time when we reflect on our lives.

In the Catholic Church, Lent is a time for prayer, fasting, and alms giving.  As I've gotten older, the meanings of these words have changed.  

As a child, Lent is the time when you give up chocolate, soda, saying mean things, etc....but does giving up chocolate really help you to grow closer to God? 

Lent is a time, where through prayer, we can grow deeper in our relationship with Christ.  It's a time when we can give back and do our part.  It is a time where we can eliminate something negative in our lives that is holding us back in our relationship with God.

Lent is a time when the Church encourages you to repent for your sins.  The Church "requires" you to go to Confession once a year, and you will often hear priests encourage members to go during this time of repentance.  Confession is an idea that I have struggled with understanding for many years, and each Lent, the idea of Confession tugs at my heart.  I struggle with the concept of having to tell a priest my sins in order to be forgiven because I have many friends who aren't Catholic that have sinned and been forgiven...so why do I need to tell a priest my sins to be forgiven? 

As I prepared for this season of Lent and began praying about what my Lenten promise would be, I really began to think about the idea of Confession.  It has constantly been on my mind..do I go or do I not go? If I really needed to go to Confession, wouldn't God have already taken me through that journey? Why would He keep testing my faith with the idea of Confession?

But as I began praying about this idea, I realized that this was the most I had thought about this idea in a long time.  Here I am, a young adult who attends church nearly every weekend, and yet I feel conflicted because I struggle with the idea of Confession.  

I was reminded that when you give yourself to God, He will not lead you astray.  He will lead you exactly where you are supposed to go. He will take you on the amazing journey that He has created for you.  So I encourage all my family and friends who are struggling with something in their faith to pray.  Tell God what you are struggling with, because He wants to help you. 

"If you want to know what God wants you to do-ask him, and He will gladly tell you." James 1:5

Demand Excellence

As I sat in Wind Ensemble rehearsal on Friday afternoon, the only phrase going through my mind was "demand excellence."  When I was playing, it ran through my head...and when I was counting my rests, it ran through my head.

During my sophomore year in WE, Dr. Fansler would often use this phrase, but I don't think that it ever fully hit home with me.  The past two weeks have really been a reminder to me that you have to "demand excellence" every single time you do something, whether that's when you pick up the trumpet, when you are writing a session plan for music therapy, or when you are writing that score annotation for music history that you put off until the last minute. No matter what you are doing, you have to "demand excellence" in order to succeed.  

Demanding excellence is not easy.  It requires a lot of energy.  It requires a certain poise or presence.  It requires knowing why you are demanding excellence and where you want to go in the process of demanding excellence.  

When I was younger, I didn't "demand excellence." I simply did what it took to get by...(there's a blog post about that!)  But as I grew older, and of course more wiser, I have realized that I don't like to do things unless I am going to do them to the best of my ability, whether that's learning to rap for my clients or working on the pesky triple-tonguing that has been haunting me for years.

This semester is going to be very challenging for me in regard to both the trumpet and music therapy, but I am very excited about the possible outcome.  I have come a long way since my first week of freshman year, but there is still a long way to go...and it's time for me to be more demanding and "demand excellence" in everything that I am working on at school.

With that being said, I generally spend a lot of time on social media, and I have decided to take a little hiatus away from social media in order to help me stay on track and "demand excellence." I will still share blog posts and pictures every so often, because that is just who I am, but I won't be spending all of my free time browsing social media when I could be working on things that will help me succeed.

Don't miss me too much! 

Stand Up

Stand up, stand up for Jesus...These are the words to a Christian Hymn that we are taught as young ones. But what do these words really mean?

We, as humans, have the right to stand up for what we believe in. We have the right to stand up for what we deserve We have the right to stand up for our faith. We have the right to stand up for equal opportunities.

The most important thing that we have the right to stand up for is our God. Without God, we wouldn't be here. So why wouldn't we "Stand up for Jesus"???

As a young woman of faith who attends a public university, I have been faced with people who do not believe in God or who demoralize the Catholic faith.

I have had people tell me "you're a Catholic, and I'm a Christian, therefore we don't believe in the same things"....but wait, when it comes down to the bottom line, we both believe in the exact same thing: an amazing God who created this world and everything in and on it.

So yes, the churches that we belong to have different rules...but remember the common thing: GOD!

Almost every single day, I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have been raised in a family where faith was important. We went to church every weekend, and for a long time, we sat in the same pew with my Grandparents. You didn't get to play with toys or eat snacks-you sat there and paid attention and read your Catholic books about prayers/mass/confession or else you would get a dirty look from Grandpa. Oh, and there was no going to the bathroom..if you had to go, you went after communion when you were returning to your seat. Those were the rules, and you followed them.

In high school, my family also attended the Salvation Army.  Playing in the brass band and being involved in the Salvation Army helped me to understand that we all have different beliefs...but that the common theme is our amazing God. I made some of my closest friends in this time, and was challenged to grow even more in my faith because I was surrounded by people who had an unconditional love for him.

Having attended private school for K-12, I was never really faced with people challenging my faith until I went to college. While I am lucky to have few stories to tell about people challenging my faith, it has still happened. But every time that it has happened, it has helped me to grow even more in my faith and to develop my relationship with Him even more.

Whether you believe in God or not, I respect that. And even though it is hard to accept sometimes, we, as humans, have to remember that we all have our own thoughts, beliefs, morals, etc.  We have to remember that even if someone doesn't have the same beliefs as us, we must still show respect to them..because like the golden rule says: treat others as you want to be treated.

So always remember that we live in an ever-changing world where we are faced with hardships every single day.  We will be faced with people who do not agree with us in one-way or another day-in and day-out. Respect others and their beliefs. Treat others as you want to be treated. Show love and compassion the same way that you want to receive love and compassion. Show support to those in need, lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on, and most importantly, help others to believe in whatever they choose to believe in, so that they may find the same sense of comfort and belonging that you have.

The Chair in the Corner

When I was younger, we remodeled our kitchen. We, and by we-I really mean my parents, bought this nice dining room table from Harvey's that can fit up to eight people.  But since there were only four of us, we kept the table set for six..so those two extra chairs got put in the corners of the dining room.  The one chair was next to 'my spot' at the table...and everyone knew it was my place because I insisted on having a seat cushion on the chair...

But that chair in the corner right next to my place became 'my corner'...it became the place where everything got put..when I came home from a long day of band followed by school followed by cross country practice, ALL of my bags went there..the trumpet case, the ginormous book bag that was bigger than me, and of course the smelly cross country bag.

The chair would be full of papers and important things...when I couldn't find something, the best place to look was on the chair.  There were times when the chair was filled with all of the brochures that colleges send you in the mail...and there were times when it was filled with all of my trumpet music when I came home from a lesson.

After going off to college, my chair slowly creeped in to the corner while the chair without the cushion made its way to the table instead..but one thing stayed the same..not matter which chair was in the corner, it became a place for all of my stuff.

Today as I came home from running a few errands, I sat down for a moment in 'my chair' that is now in the corner of the dining room...and I suddenly realized how important this silly chair and seat cushion are to me. It's the place where I was sitting when my parents and I would have intense conversations about different topics during family dinners.  It's the place where I sat when my parents and I discussed my plans for the future.  It's the place where I did my homework..but most importantly, it is a reminder that so many positive things can happen around the dinner table when a family makes an effort to eat together.

As I get ready for another semester of school, I am feeling lucky to have my wonderful parents and sister in my life...and I am so grateful for all of those family dinners around the dinner table when I was able to sit in 'my chair.'

"I Did What It Took To Get By"

As I went to write a blog post last night to express some thoughts that have been on my mind lately, I found a blog post that I started to write a year ago. The funny/weird/coincidental thing is that these are some of the same thoughts that I have been having lately.

The following is what I had written a year ago:

"Sometimes you don't realize how blessed you are at a young age.  Tonight I was reminded of just how blessed I am.

I have been very fortunate to have many wonderful people as role models throughout my life-even when I didn't realize it.  As I stood talking with three of my four trumpet teachers tonight, I realized that I've had some amazing teachers. I realized that I have the ability to be an amazing trumpet player and musician...

I've been very blessed that for the 10 years that I have played trumpet, I have also been able to take private lessons.  I never realized how lucky I was to be able to study privately until I went to college..My parents provided me with the tools to become successful...but I didn't take advantage..I did what it took to get by."

My, oh, my.  How true these thoughts are still today. I have really been thinking about the last line: "I did what it took to get by."  Sometimes life gets stressful, and we aren't able to practice like we want to...but if we have a sense of control in our life, then does life have to pan out this way??? I think this statement applies to how I have approached things the past few weeks..I did the minimum of what needed to be done, just to survive and get by. But I'm not happy with 'just getting by'...so I need to remember this as I finish out the semester.

In regards to the statement mentioned above, I started thinking about how one of my teachers would remind me that even though I did what it took to get by, I always put in the work when it was needed...I mean, I guess that's good in a way..but why would I want to be average...because as another teacher once told me: the world would be boring if everyone was average/normal.

The last two weeks before break were extremely busy, but also very motivating.  Motivating in the sense that I have been super excited about music therapy...but then, in-turn, I have pushed the trumpet more to the side..and I don't like that fact..because both music therapy and the trumpet are important to me. These two things make me who I am. I know that I don't want to be great at one or the other...I'm an over-achiever, and I want to be great at both..

The problem with wanting to be great at both is that I have to find a balance between the two..but to be honest, I don't think that I will ever fully have the 'balance' of the two figured out. In a way, this is what keeps me intrigued, interested, and motivated. But in another way, this is what makes me frustrated and want to quit...

SO, here's to me continuing my adventure of attempting to find a balance between the things that I love. I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me and continues to support me as I follow my dreams. I couldn't do it without all of you.