Suffering: the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. In faith, we often talk about suffering. When we talk about suffering, we also talk about offering.
Last night and this morning, I was really thinking about my late friend Zak. I couldn't stop thinking of him. I tried everything, but he kept coming back to my mind. As I was getting ready to attend a retreat at the WIU Newman Center that was being hosted by students from the Bradley Newman this morning, I really thought about Zak. I knew that he was on my mind because the students were coming from Bradley, and this is where he had attended school. While I was doing my hair, I couldn't help but replay in my mind the week of when he was killed.
During our lunch, I began talking to a few of the girls from the Bradley Newman. It just so happened that one of them was involved in music. She shared that she didn't personally know him, but that she knew of him. She continued on to say that people she knows spoke very highly of him. I smiled, but on the inside, my heart was glowing with pride and aching with sadness all at the same time.
A student shared about her journey with God, and how suffering played a big part in that journey. Following her talk, we broke into small groups to discuss. When I thought about suffering in my life during the past year, the first thing that came to mind was death. Death...because my family lost so many friends in a few months. Death....because after a few months of things returning to 'normal,' my family lost another important friend.
It took me a minute to put my thoughts together and gather the courage to share, but I eventually shared with my group what I had experienced. That month that my family lost so many people, it was awful. My heart ached every day. I shared my experience of not knowing how I was going to make it through finals week, because all I wanted to do was go home and be with my family. I shared that those two days when I finally got home were some of the toughest days of my life. But through those toughest days, I knew that the only way to get through it was by turning to God. I knew that in order to survive, I had to give an offering to God. I offered to God my talents, so that they would be used to bring peace, comfort, and healing to those who were grieving, including myself. I shared that playing for Zak's funeral was one of the toughest and most high pressure situations I have ever had..but that I knew the moment I offered it to God was the moment that everything would be fine. I knew that as long as I was playing for Him, I had nothing to worry about. When I finished sharing, tears were in my eyes. I realized that this was the first time that I had shared with a 'stranger' about my experience of loss and grief. This wasn't an easy step, but I know that God placed me there for a reason.
Through this suffering and offering, I continued to grow closer to God. The months to follow weren't and still aren't easy. There are days when it feels like I am on top of the world..and there are days when it feels like I am drowning. The most important thing is that I know that God will be with me through each of these days. That He will provide comfort and healing.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
